Hi all
Previously I posted a logline feedback request for an idea about an unreliable and traumatized young man who claims he is abducted by aliens on the way from a family reunion, and now has instructions to kill a cousin of his who is a politician.
I got lots of good feedback - I'd started writing a draft but decided to combine with a completely unrelated premise I'd earlier started writing, about a lonely, unfriendly woman with a horrible trauma in her past taking revenge against a police officer who released her family's details when fleeing domestic violence. It was inspired by this real story in Australia, where I live:
news linkI also couldn't get that one to work; I was relying on a sudden plot reveal to be compelling and I had never written anything to straight up thriller-ey before. But I liked it's main character, this unlikeable and unfriendly woman, and the setting, a tiny outback town in Australia and transplated both of those onto the first.
The result is Knotted Necklaces (working title) -
link to first act here. I've actually written more but it's not readable to anyone but me, so let me know what grabs you (if anything) about the hook of the first Act.
Thanks!
EDIT: Ended up converting 24 pages to PDF - the whole first act - as it was more legible than I expected for a vomit draft. You don't have to read it all.
EDIT: Some touchstones I'm going for in terms of tone (and some direct homage of plot);
Red Road (2006) by Andrea Arnold, in terms of the thriller slowly and painfully parceling out exposition and the female protagonist with a mission (I highly recommend all of Andrea Arnold's features and her 2003 short btw);
Strangerland (2015), an unclassifiable Australian movie starring Nicole Kidman, about two kids getting lost/walking into the desert, and the general vibes of outback towns - got mixed reviews, but I loved it;
Picnic At Hanging Rock 70s Australian Peter Weir film- tone, style, and content homage, most directly.