Implicated by Garrett Byrne - Series, Thriller, Dark Comedy - Stuck in a bland marriage and a monotonous nine-to-five job, Jerry Coleman lives an unremarkable life. However, this all changes one night when he inadvertently gets entangled in a hit gone awry with a ruthless hitman, Hugo Bonner. With three men dead and accounts placing Jerry at the scene of the crime, he must now not only evade mounting suspicion from the police, but also a powerful drug cartel and even Hugo himself, who will stop at nothing to cover his tracks. 46 pages

Contests: 2021 Agnes Nixon and Kiki McCabe Prize winner - pdf format

New writer interested in feedback on this work, please be nice :)

Hi Garret

An enjoyable read, so the writing in general is solid. I like that the first few pages don't contain much dialogue and the story is told through visuals and actions.

One of my favourite scenes was probably the awkward sexual tension between Jerry and his wife, set Jerry's troubled existence up perfectly, and of course you know he will meet paths with Hugo at some point. That said, as the reader I felt the scene could have been trimmed a little, and likewise the discussion Jerry has Wesley about dinner. Just my opinion.

In terms of the overall story, I was engaged, which is the main thing. Enjoyed the awkward situations, but it's a strange length at 46 pages, somewhere in-between a short and a feature - Which might be why I wasn't overly satisfied with the ending - Little abrupt.

But at 46 pages you can always extend it, add new dimensions. Who knows, something cool might just pop into your head one day and you can revisit.

Solid piece of work though, can see you love the genre - Keep writing, keep re-writing.

Just realised this is a pilot, and the ending is a cliff hanger - It makes sense now, please disregard my previous comments on the ending. :)