Wrong Costume by Ariel Unser - Short, Comedy - Alex and Leah are dressed up for a Halloween party, but Alex has regrets about his costume. 4 pages - pdf format

New writer interested in feedback on this work, please be nice :)

A lot of effort for such a still end. Back to the drawing board with this one. Lots of unusual script headings written in bold. INT/EXT etc..

I enjoyed reading this short and thought it was a subtle, cheeky ending.

Hi Ariel,

An interesting read, but the ending fell kind of flat for me.

Parts of the dialogue had its moments, but I wasn't able to get into it.
Try to stay more visual, show me, in Action. Dissect every line and make sure it's visual/show me.

Some nit-picks and thoughts:
* P1: FADE IN: -- requires a ":"
* P1: First headline, I would go with INT. HOUSE - BEDROOM - DAY and use mini-slugs (BEDROOM, FOYER, etc)
when moving from room to room inside the house. Make for a leaner script.
* P1: Give LEATH and ALEX an age and a short description. In Action, a character is capped only when introduced.
* P1: "LEAH'S boyfriend ALEX arrives home from work. He's late, as usual. She calls to him from the bedroom." -- you're telling me, not showing me. I don't know if he's the boyfriend and if he is usually late from work.
* P1: "LEAH Happy Halloween!" -- no need to mention she calls from the bedroom, I would use LEAH (O.S.),
not in the scene, but we can hear her.
* P1: CONT'D is not used that much anymore, disable it in the software.
* P3: Don't repeat in Action what's established in the headline ("driving"). We know this from the headline
* p4: Don't like this headline/slug INT. HOUSE PARTY - DAY, remove PARTY and also differentiate this HOUSE with Leah and Alex HOUSE. Maybe have Alex and Leah live in an apartment, not to confuse the reader.

Keep writing. Nice effort.
Good luck

Frank

I disagree with some of the feedback above because I think the ending was a perfect cliff hanger!

Most of the script is described as being set in the 'day' however I think it would be more appropriate if it was set in the evening, because Alex is described as coming back from work, and also the evening feels more fitting for a script that is regarding Halloween.

I'm a sucker for a bit more information. What job does Alex have? Where do they live? When they arrive at the party what music is playing? What is everyone else wearing?

I enjoyed this script a lot and think it has a lot of potential