The Anniversary by Sean Elwood - Short, Horror - After communicating with his dead wife through a ouija board while staying at a secluded cabin, a man returns back on their anniversary in hopes that he will get to meet her one last time. 10 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Hi Sean

I really enjoyed this. kept me engaged and I'm sure a finished film would suitably scare me.

I could have done with feeling more sympathetic to John, but the little I did feel was wiped away by him getting drunk and angry, so I didn't feel much about his demise.
I still enjoyed the story though.

All the best

Matt

Gave this a read, Sean:

Well done.

One little quibble:

Quoted Text JOHN (31 going on 32) throws the match into the fireplace,

Do we really need to know he's going on 32??? The happy birthday (later) does the trick. If you are going to do it - make it a bit poetic. e.g., JOHN (on the eve of his 32 birthday) - or - just hours before turning 32...

Anyway - nice work

Thank you both for reading. Appreciate it. Happy to hear y'all enjoyed it.

This was a script I wrote during a trip to a secluded cabin in the middle of the mountains, so you can only imagine where I got my inspiration from.

Quoted from Matthew Taylor I could have done with feeling more sympathetic to John, but the little I did feel was wiped away by him getting drunk and angry, so I didn't feel much about his demise.

This script went through various rewrites, but it all included him getting drunk, as I used it as the police's excuse for him catching on fire.

With another rewrite, though I want to avoid making it any longer, would be his obsession with the date of their anniversary as the time gets closer, and over time he grows more insane and drinks more. With this I could build more sympathy toward John. Perhaps for a feature...

Quoted from eldave1 Do we really need to know he's going on 32??? The happy birthday (later) does the trick. If you are going to do it - make it a bit poetic. e.g., JOHN (on the eve of his 32 birthday) - or - just hours before turning 32...

And here I was already trying to be poetic with the description! Myeh!

I'll be less poetic, more technical, considering his mention of his birthday later on.

Sean

Hi, Sean.

A good horror tale here. Also enjoyed the ending. There are minor typos here and there, but nothing jarring to interrupt the flow. It'll be great to hear that it got picked up.

Good luck.

Hey Sean, I enjoyed this. You establish a somber, emotional tone and maintain it really well throughout the script. I felt for Sean as he mourned the death of his wife.

Just one question: how are we to interpret the ending? I assume he's dead because "reality" -- the cops, the neighbor -- say so, and so is his driving down the road forever some sort of purgatory?

Separately, it would be awesome if you could read my script, BRIDGE. I've linked it here:

https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?m-1667424753/

And also attached it.

Obviously no pressure, but you're a strong writer and so I'd appreciate your opinion.

Thanks for reading, Yuvraj. Glad you enjoyed it.

Brent, glad you enjoyed it as well. Thanks for the compliment. I'll be sure to read your script today, as it's my day off, woo hoo! To answer your question, yes he's dead in our reality, but he is stuck in a purgatory of just driving in darkness, forever. Perhaps a curse set upon him by the ouija board? it is up for interpretation.

Thanks guys.

Sean

Hey Sean, I really like the idea of John actually dead, but continuing somewhere off into the distance. Reminds me of the ending of Source Code, sans it being a happy ending.

A much bleaker take, and definitely thought provoking.

My only real contribution is I feel there's something that could be added in the middle section (not sure what) to amp up tension a little more.

John's drinking gets the point across about his descent, but I feel there's something more you could add in terms of a plot point to take us somewhere unexpected.

I do like it, though, and it's a strong piece.
A

Just thinking out loud (and obviously just my take), but John's story at the minute is very much about his past (his relationship with May) and his future (as a viewer we are anticipating he may kill himself or being killed by some evil entity), but there is space for something in his present that may act as a balancing force against either ending it or wishing for things to end, so he can return to May.

It could be something symbolic of their time together (a dog they shared, for example), but would be something to add tension for why he shouldn't give in to the temptation the Ouija Board provides.

As I say, just some thoughts off the cuff, but would love to see a tinkering of that middle section :)

Feel free to disregard, of course, haha!

Andrew,

Thanks for reading! So happy you enjoyed this little tale.

I wanted to keep it short, but I *have* been considering maybe turning this into a feature. Which, as stated before, would include him falling into a descent of insanity during the present. Like you said, we would know his past (act I), and his potential future (act III). But it's the present where the real meat of the story resides (act II).

Let's see where I can take this story. It was more for me to get my creative itch scratched as I was hankering for a story to write. But with every short, there's that potential to make it a feature, right?

Sean

Hello, all,

This script has collected some dust in the past year and a half, but lately (Thanks to Zack), I've gotten the itch of making teaser trailers for my stories and screenplays.

I decided to do one for this script, THE ANNIVERSARY. I still consider writing it as a feature sometimes, but just haven't gotten the motivation to do so yet.

Maybe this teaser will help get me back into the groove...

Awesome teaser trailer, dude! You're great at what you do. :)