The Fatal Move by Igor Kantor - Thriller, Drama, Sport - A young chess player gets a chance to become a world chess champion, but suddenly her crazy fan comes into her life. 124 pages - pdf format

New writer interested in feedback on this work, please be nice :)

Thanks for posting my humble work! Would love to know your reviews! Hope you'll enjoy it! :)

First thing you might think about Iggy is editing your logline so it reads more actively and presents tense:

A young chess player Madison Burke got a chance to become a world chess champion. But her crazy fan gets in her way.

Suggest something like:

When a young chess prodigy gets the opportunity to compete on the world stage (or qualifies to compete in the world championships) a fanatic stalker threatens not only her burgeoning career, but her life.

I don't know if your story goes that far plot wise (fatal in the title implies it does) but you need to at least change 'got a chance' (past tense) to gets a chance (the here and now/present).

You probably shouldn't use the character name in your logline either. That's generally not done.

Quoted from LC First thing you might think about Iggy is editing your logline so it reads more actively and presents tense: A young chess player Madison Burke got a chance to become a world chess champion. But her crazy fan gets in her way. Suggest something like: When a young chess prodigy gets the opportunity to compete on the world stage (or qualifies to compete in the world championships) a fanatic stalker threatens not only her burgeoning career, but her life. I don't know if your story goes that far plot wise (fatal in the title implies it does) but you need to at least change 'got a chance' (past tense) to gets a chance (the here and now/present). You probably shouldn't use the character name in your logline either. That's generally not done.

Oh ok! Thanks!

Quoted from Iggy Oh ok! Thanks!

A bit of elaboration -
https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-screenwrite/m-1326263291/s-0/

Overall if we don't know the specific character e.g. they're not a famous name, leave it out.

If you want anything changed in that logline just let me know and I can edit it for you.

I was honestly blown away by the whole storyline. I wish producers finally see your potential Iggy. This is top notch warner bros. It shows in your work how keen you were and took time to really understand the chess world. Congrats Iggy!

Thank you for your kind words and thanks for reading! It really means a lot to me!

I was thrilled throughout by this story and the perfect atmosphere of the world of chess it slaves under. Maddy is well written that at the end I actually believed she was based off a real person... that shows you're really a master storyteller.