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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board / Short Comedy Scripts / Stuck
Posted by: Don, July 8th, 2023, 6:49am
Stuck by Glynn Turner - Short, Comedy - An accident causes a man to improve his outlook on life after a brief encounter with an apparent former criminal. 9 pages - pdf format
Writer interested in feedback on this work
Posted by: ghost and_ghostie gal, July 10th, 2023, 12:51am; Reply: 1
Ahoy - Glynn - don't want to leave you hangin' so I'll be the first.
For a light-hearted comedy, I think all humor is hard to write. Props to someone who can actually make me laugh off the page... I thought this was pretty good. Good set up, dialogue. The characters are well-drawn and come to life. No nitpicking. All the best. :)-A
Posted by: GlynnTurner, July 11th, 2023, 12:46pm; Reply: 2
Mr Ghost ( sorry it says you are ghost and ghostie gal). LOL. not sure what else to call you.
Thank you for your very nice comments. Im ready for all. comments, good or bad, but you said some nice ones. Thanks a lot for reading it.
Best
Glynn
Posted by: kcranford, July 11th, 2023, 2:25pm; Reply: 3
Glynn, this was a pleasure to read. I agree with Ghost/Ghostie above. Your characters are well conceived and Stan is downright hilarious. It’s even more touching when you find out what his true purpose is. Love the Brit humor also! Very well done and thanks for sharing.
Wishing you the best with this!
Kathy
Posted by: ghost and_ghostie gal, July 11th, 2023, 5:29pm; Reply: 4
Mr Ghost ( sorry it says you are ghost and ghostie gal). LOL. not sure what else to call you.
Thank you for your very nice comments. Im ready for all. comments, good or bad, but you said some nice ones. Thanks a lot for reading it.
Best Glynn |
_ghostie gal AKA Andrea.
And you're welcome. :)-
A
Posted by: LC, July 11th, 2023, 7:24pm; Reply: 5
Hi Glynn,
Had to take a look based on the glowing reviews of Andrea & Kathy.
And they were right! A very enjoyable read.
Stan is quite the character.
In the interest of popping verbs, and correct grammar -
I'd change call the media to alert the media.
And lay to lie.
Laying next to me should be lying next to me.
Lays on the grass, lies on the grass.
And consider changing your software settings so your (CONT'D)s only occur when going over the page. Just makes it more streamlined.
These are nitpicks. Not being a smartarse, jmho.
...You’re stuck. Welcome to life.
Everyone’s stuck. It’s called
‘living’.
Very nice.
The story is gold, dialogue very easy on the ear, and the reveals/twists are a nice touch.
Looking forward to more from you.
Posted by: GlynnTurner, July 12th, 2023, 9:26am; Reply: 6
Hello LC, thanks so much for your notes and taking the time to write them, I will take them on board. You know, I've always had a problem with the word 'Laying' and 'Lying' and 'Lays'. I need to do better, so thanks for pointing these out.
Cheers
Glynn
Posted by: LC, July 12th, 2023, 5:10pm; Reply: 7
Posted by: GlynnTurner, July 14th, 2023, 4:02am; Reply: 8
Thanks LC, I have already looked at the link, super helpful.
Best
Glynn
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