Lifeblood by Lono - Short, Family, Animation - After struggling to find acceptance a bee and a flower form a friendship, but can it stand the test of time? 4 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Hi Lono.

Cute! I enjoyed the imagery and this would make a great little animation. A good balance of humour, fun and a little sadness. No dialogue as none is required, you have put a lot of emotions into your 4 page piece. Well done.

Found one typo (AUTMUNM)

Good luck !

cbead,

Thank you for the read! I have fixed the typo. I hope I can do something with it, if not an animated short then maybe a children's book or something? Most animation studios only work internally with this kind of stuff from what I know but I could be wrong. Glad you enjoyed it!

Lono

Ahoy Lono -- I'm getting the sense that you should've added a puppy. No? Too cute? Sh!t. But seriously, cute read, won't deny that, but...this is my least fav genre. That aside, kudos --a script for animation have the extra burden of creating in the reader's mind a  visual style? And you've done that. Hopefully you can get it filmed one day.

WE don't write animation so I will bow out here. Best of Irish luck with it! :)-A

Ghostie,

Thanks for the read! Having Irish roots myself,  I hope to have some of that Irish luck on my side. Thanks for the good karma.

Lono

Hey Lono,

What a lovely story!

You should turn this into a kid's picture book. Are you good at illustration?

And change the title to something more fanciful like: Violet & Honey or Bumble & Iris.

A delight to read. Kids would love it.

A delightful read, I agree. Reminded me of watching a narration of David Attenborough's Planet Earth.

I'm going to agree with others here - I love this little tale.  I'm a sucker for sweetness and this story has it.  I'm also with others that it would make a perfect short animation or children's book.  Either way, it will shine.  I also agree with Libby's ideas for alternate titles.  All in all, very good, touching work here.  Thanks for sharing. I'll be anxious to hear what you decide to do with this.