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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board  /  Short Drama Scripts  /  Snitch
Posted by: Don, December 17th, 2023, 4:18pm
Snitch by Simon Parker - Short, Drama - A bookworm finds himself facing down a dangerous gang after witnessing a terrible mugging. 12 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Posted by: Stoneyscripts, December 19th, 2023, 10:15am; Reply: 1
No Fade in: Lazy. However this is a juvenile tale of moral compass that I found to be slightly unnatural. Tom’s family are scumbags while he is law abiding. The opening library scene is irrelevant imo. Also far too much of Tom did this and Tom did that/ we know who he is. Also typo when Tom is Startled - not started. No asides when he talks to himself. This can be massively improved with a rewrite. Just my thoughts to help you along the way.
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