Mossy, Snowflake & The Fox. by John Stone - Short, Drama - The assassination of a leading shadow cabinet politician leads to world peace. 6 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

I can see this growing into something around thirty pages and perhaps a series.

The one thing to comment on would be the description of the middle-age man in the beginning. You describe him as having a "skeletal bone structure". I fully understand what you mean but I think you should revisit the phrasing. I picture someone with vivid bone definition in their features. I know some people like that.

However, the wording seems a little awkward. "Skeletal bone structure" almost seems like somebody driving a "car with automobile styling", or "made of metallic gold", or "being constructed from polymer plastic."

I can't think of any solutions. I can only suggest that you take a moment to rephrase it.

Oh, and one more thning, I love the title.

Thanks for that Michael. I have uploaded a newer draft.

I've seen the term skeletal features used as a description many times before. That's why I adopted it myself but I understand your gist.

I have also made a couple of other subtle changes to enhance the idea.

Cheers for your feedback.