ST. Faye’s Boarding School For Girls by Lesedi Malaika - Short, Drama - Two friends go to the same boarding school together. 3 pages - pdf format

New writer interested in feedback on this work, please be nice :)

Hi Lesedi,

Gave this a read.
This appears to be only the beginning of a story and then it just ends.

Additionally, a few tips:

A bunch of students are walking into the building and the
bell rings.Then we see character A(15)panicking while zipping
her bag up.Character B(15)is trying to keep up with character
A.

Start with the sound of the bell ringing. You don't need 'then we see'.
Describe the school building (where we are) and the amount of students.
Stay in present tense e.g. A group of students walk into the building. Not 'are walking' - choose your verbs so they're more active: perhaps they hurry to the entrance.

Give your girls names. CAP their names upon introduction and give us some physical description.

Hope this helps and that you add to your story. :)

I had no idea what these girls were like, no description of them at all. I found it a bit frustrating not having names for them. It was only 3 pages but even then I couldn't make it to the end.