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Opens up on some seemingly chunky action and no dialogue whatsoever to go along with this short and I honestly enjoyed this read, never thought I'd say that for a no dialogue short. Like others have said this was a well written and touching story, liked the span of time good idea.
It was a long read. Too long. I know what you were trying to do, but, it just went on and on...
and on
and on
and on...
It was a cool way to use the game. In a way, it shows the problems with society. People can't just talk to each other, it's always under the guise of something else. At least, that was how i took the lack of dialog...
I'm interested in reading animation, horror, sci fy, suspense, fantasy, and anything that is good. I enjoy writing the same. Looking to team with anyone!
I liked the concept but as others have mentioned, it's really overwritten. Towards the end I just found myself skimming as it's so dense, and it's also repetitive.
There's no real surprise or anticipation of wanting to know what comes next, so that makes it a tougher read.
Decent story though and it met the challenge criteria well.
I loved the overall premise and the thread of the story. It is right in my emotional wheel house. That being said - I think it is way over written.
You already have a challenge in that you are going to be describing scrabble play and that by itself means chunks of space will be taken up with that - all the more reason to be absolutely concise with the other descriptions.
I think this could work with no dialogue (as written) - but would have liked to see a version with dialogue - i.e., where the scrabble game was just the mechanism for them to spend time together rather than the communication device. Note: I know that defeats the entire point of the script so I am not saying you needed dialogue for this one - just that one with dialogue would be interesting as well.
I liked this one for its premise--communicating through scrabble. What can't be said can be put on the board. Fine. There seemed a bit too much for me. We get into a circular mode, and while that connotes the cyclical nature of life, it also lets the audience say--been there, done that.
For me, putting the dialogue onto the board worked well. I liked that the essence was distilled to single words or several strung together. You might consider cutting down on some, especially when covering the same territory as before.
Title page is a little out there. Logline is pretty vague.
Not a fan of the the character descriptions. "Easy on the eye", "image of her mother". Seems lazy.
This was decent enough. I suppose if I was watching this I'd be wondering why they're using Scrabble as a conversation tool for all these years. They don't seem to be playing for points, just chatting. There's a nice story throughout but it'd grate on me after a while having the whole thing spelt out with tiles.
A carefully thought out story with lots of details.
You create a warm atmosphere. For such a short short this feels meaningful and I believe you'd be able to grab the viewer on an emotional level with your story.
Not so sure about the characters progressing age when it comes to actors; don't like the design of the title page.
Your title page (not even in 12pt Courier!) made me nervous.
I'm usually not a fan of bold slugs, but it was less distracting than I thought it'd be.
I could see this being a Pixar short. You don't need dialogue, just words. This reminded me of the opening sequence from Up, which was completely devoid of dialogue.
Interesting, feel good piece. The writer knows his stuff.
No need for me to reiterate what bogs it down as the earlier comments say it. It really does need a valid reason for there to be no dialogue as it just wouldn't happen in the real world.
The blocky action lines make it a skim candidate with only the scrabble words registering at times. Ambitious script that could be great with some tinkering.