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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    January 2016 OWC  ›  Kitty & Moonwolf - OWC Moderators: Mr. Blonde
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  Author    Kitty & Moonwolf - OWC  (currently 3008 views)
JohnHunter
Posted: January 24th, 2016, 9:34am Report to Moderator
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MOON WOLF? Stop right there - love it.


"There ain't much to being a ballplayer, if you're a ballplayer." - Honus Wagner
https://www.scriptrevolution.com/profiles/john-hunter
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Reef Dreamer
Posted: January 24th, 2016, 9:54am Report to Moderator
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Well that was a tad bonkers

I don't think it quite delivered its punch but I did love some aspects. Just the notion of a dispute being solved with Rock Paper Scissors made me chuckle, as did the front page.

Rocky was a very creative creature but also disappointing in terms of what he does etc. to a degree it was style over function, with the story being rather light.

Not my thing in the end, but nice effort and I applaud the difference.


My scripts  HERE

The Elevator Most Belonging To Alice - Semi Final Bluecat, Runner Up Nashville
Inner Journey - Page Awards Finalist - Bluecat semi final
Grieving Spell - winner - London Film Awards.  Third - Honolulu
Ultimate Weapon - Fresh Voices - second place
IMDb link... http://www.imdb.com/name/nm7062725/?ref_=tt_ov_wr
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DarrenJamesSeeley
Posted: January 24th, 2016, 10:45am Report to Moderator
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Inventive, entertaining take on the OWC. While I thought the gore could have been substituted for more of a "Wile e Coyote" approach (where he would have comical accidents while after the Road Runner) so there might be something more kid-friendly. Not suggesting that all animation should be so, but talking  animals usually belong in that department.

Overall, the script is good.

And no, I'm not a fan of the title page.


"I know you want to work for Mo Fuzz. And Mo Fuzz wants you to. But first, I'm going to need to you do something for me... on spec." - Mo Fuzz, Tapeheads, 1988
my scripts on ss : http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?m-1095531482/s-45/#num48
The Art!http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-knowyou/m-1190561532/s-105/#num106
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LC
Posted: January 25th, 2016, 5:31am Report to Moderator
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Wow, super creative. While I'm definitely not your target audience can I have some of whatever it is you're on?

Okay,  now I'm going to admit I did start scanning at a certain point. Just not up my alley this type of thing, but well done and full credit for your most splendiferous concoction.


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RichardR
Posted: January 25th, 2016, 10:52am Report to Moderator
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Sorry, didn't get through this one.  Not my cup of tea.

Best
Richard
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eldave1
Posted: January 25th, 2016, 11:10am Report to Moderator
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Well - that was different. Well done for what it was - no my particular genre but it did demonstrate the difficulty in writing in this genre.

I got lost a bit here:

Quoted Text
Rocky Sizza is so outraged, he cuts his own head off. Then he
bashes his scissor-hand with the stone-hand, which prints out
a fresh piece of paper displaying a SMILEY EMOJI.


Ricky has dialogue immediately after this and not sure how he was talking with no head.


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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PrussianMosby
Posted: January 26th, 2016, 7:57pm Report to Moderator
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Kitty and Moonwolf

Whaaaatt???

How you established those "when-Kitty-is-thinking-images" is awesome. And all those events are also beautifully merging and moving in other happenings right on the damn display as in a high quality cartoon. Soooo funny with a sweet tone and spontanoues, playful plot kids love.

What's going on with you?

One of the best shorts I have ever read, even if it's not my genre. It's brilliant work imo.

A+




Revision History (1 edits)
PrussianMosby  -  January 26th, 2016, 8:11pm
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Pale Yellow
Posted: January 26th, 2016, 8:38pm Report to Moderator
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Love the title and love the title page. Kudos there!

Wow. Excellent writing on display here. Excellent dialogue as well...punchy and natural sounding.

OMG I loved this. One of my favorites in the challenge and I think the game fits good enough IMO.

GREAT job. GREAT writing. FUN characters with real voice. Me likes!

KUDOS.
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