Ready Or Not by Tim Radcliffe - Short, Drama - A little girl has an easier time hiding from her father than the harsh realities of life. - pdf, format

Writer,

Geez Louise, this was sad. And good. It was a quick read, pulled no punches in getting to the essence of the story, and was crisp. It didn't linger anywhere too long. I kind of expected this to go the ghost route, where dad plays hide n seek, goes to hug her and his arms pass right through her. That night have been effective, but expected. You went another way which was equally, if not more, effective.

Very good.

Steve

Well written and a nice story. I'm personally tired of sick children dying stories though. I've read and seen a LOT of them over the years and sometimes it just seems like a cheat because who's not going to feel a tug at the heart when a child dies.

So, great job, even if the subject matter wasn't for me.

I forgot to add that you might want to give Abby's V.O. an age. As it reads now, she sounds way over four in that V.O.

This doesn't  help that my 2 girls are currently playing Hide N Seek while i'm reading this.

Depressing but beautifully wrote... a talented writer.

Good job

This was very sad, and I loved it! I loved the voice-over, that reminded me a little bit of Jack in "Room".

The ending was expected, but it still worked. I wish I had more notes, but that's it. This is one of my favorites so far!

This is one of those stories that makes the reader look like a tool for not liking it...

But I liked it, so I'm awesome.

*Spoilers*

It was a sad and moving story. Her alone in the hospital was the only thing that threw me off. It's sort of cold blooded, almost to the point where it could be implied she's already passed.

Great work! Strong favorite.

Quoted from oJOHNNYoNUTSo This is one of those stories that makes the reader look like a tool for not liking it...

If you are referring to me, I praised it. I just said I didn't like the subject matter. When I look for entertainment, wether it's reading or watching something, children dying of cancer isn't what I seek out. That was all.

Quoted from Grandma Bear If you are referring to me, I praised it. I just said I didn't like the subject matter. When I look for entertainment, wether it's reading or watching something, children dying of cancer isn't what I seek out. That was all.

Nope. Didn't even read your comment.

Well done. The game element provides a new way to tell a sad, familiar story. It likely will resonate with parents who have lost children and those who have not.

I remember playing hide and seek with my own kids in much the same way.

A few thoughts,

Great script, not convinced by the VO for a 4 year old but apart from that I thought this was a very poignant read.

Think I know who's it is too

Ready or not

Hide and seek - good choice has all sorts of potential. Let's see...

Nice work. Simple and effective.

Good connection with the mantle piece, shows a decent writer.

I reflected on this one and what it was telling me. Clearly it deals with loss and how small things mean a lot. I also liked the idea that it takes people to play a game, and when they are gone, the game can't be played. So, no game, no fun.

I get what Pia is saying about the sick child element to scripts. I have seen a fair few, and written a couple myself. I think this holds up because of the game and linkage. One option would be for her to survive but be disabled and we then see how they adapt the game. That would different but may stand out a touch.

Well done.

Well written but just too twee for me - I'm apparently a tough nut though - hubby cries at much more on screen than I do. The voice-over bugged the heck out of me too - a four year old narrator hmm not for me - I think you need Morgan Freeman to get away with that.   In all honesty I reckon it's a personal taste thing. On screen this'd get a big ol' groan from me - which has nothing at all to do with your writing, which is perfectly capable btw.  

Oh God.  As of right now, this is NOW my favorite.  Beautifully written, and you just ripped my goddamned heart out.  Kudos.  And thanks - in a sad way...  :/

--Janet (W)

Ready or Not


Title: Clear flavour of Hide and Seek. Apt for the OWC, and probably the script.


Premise: Not bad. It's very simple. Almost too simple for my tastes, but it was an effective skeleton for a nice short.



Script

The opening shot was pretty dry. A mantlepiece. Not amazing. You can probably improve that by jumping straight into the game of hide and seek, then showing the introductory photos afterwards.


Character introductions are poor and lifeless. The charcterisation itself is good.


The story is nice. It's a little expositional, but it has strong emotional resonance.

Nice, simple tale, well told.

HOLY SHIT who wrote this!??

OMG I love this script and would love to film it!

BEST one yet. No complaints...at ALL!