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At some beats it was hard to imagine where the characters are positioned within a room. Hence, the interactions aren't precisely enough presented.
Very dialogue driven throughout. In the second act, I didn't like the dialogue. In the last part, I liked a lot of it. It was much faster there and noticeable stuff was moving forward.
So, I perceived Mike as a deliverer (younger Michael version) who prepares Michael for the fact that this parallel existence of him, in the here and now, is going to be shut down, and stuff may or may not continue at another place - That is left open as I see it.
The parallel existence theme is quite intriguing. I just have no clue what the singular power is that decides about the lives, which is an interesting question to me. To serve an answer here, may better the script tremendously, I feel. And also, you might give a definite answer to what role Mike "exactly" fulfills?
It's not that I wish for a spiritual, sense-making explanation, rather I really wanna know if you have a creative take that describes how coincidence and this whole parallel existence work.
I liked the story pretty much, even despite the huge amount of dialogue that I originally refuse from the heart.
Again, also work on the interactions and make clearer: who is where and does what in the direction where he/she/it is. (<-great sentence, I know )
This script can have a lot of relevance because it makes people think. The execution is already on its way. That whole multiverse, parallel stuff is up to date, as far as I see, and you can perfectly serve your version and sight for those who are interested. There's a definite audience. Not there yet but good work and foundation for one week. Keep at it.
Logline - intriguing but feels incomplete. Not sure who's story this is and what odds they face etc
Something in that I like. It's contained and has a simple aim, can the older mike be persuaded.
Names - confusing. I suggest old mike and younger mike. I got lost many times.
I think the stakes have to be clearer on both sides.and the tension needs to be played out, but with a re write and bit of focus, this could be a filmable project
The Elevator Most Belonging To Alice - Semi Final Bluecat, Runner Up Nashville Inner Journey - Page Awards Finalist - Bluecat semi final Grieving Spell - winner - London Film Awards. Third - Honolulu Ultimate Weapon - Fresh Voices - second place IMDb link... http://www.imdb.com/name/nm7062725/?ref_=tt_ov_wr
Parallel universes - a big concept to deliver on in a short; kudos for the effort. I could follow to a point but the dialogue could do with a tidy. Through the early stages Michael seemed to alternate between panic and calm - felt a bit like going round in circles. The latter parts descended into a series of questions to the point I struggled to follow where we were going and why. Almost felt a bit Hitchhiker’s Guide towards the very end.
You started to lose me when Michael fired the gun. Who was he shooting at? Mike presumably, but there was no mention as to the effect - did he miss? I don’t know if Mike’s flesh and bone or an apparition of some kind.
The mystery is there but for me it remains that way. Time jumps, parallel universes - all intriguing stuff but I just can’t follow this to a satisfying conclusion. Could do with simplifying; not telegraphed, just stripped back to the essentials.
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