Ten minutes of utopia. Fair enough. It's clean and well-written, the V.O. is used well, and I think it gives out the right amount of information.

It could be animated, I suppose. Or a much less epic version could be done that focuses on one small area, perhaps the narrator's, and shows the same dynamics playing out there, while the global stories are just narrated.

Kept as is, I'd agree with some others that became a bit bored following a character-less plot that was essentially all denouement. I just think it could be a couple pages/minutes shorter -- really condensed down to vital information and images. I do think Mark's suggestion about intro-ing the Aboriginal man earlier is excellent.

It's sincere, in a time when so few films are sincere. I think that's its biggest strength.

Good stuff.

Title didn’t grab me but the logline did…

Different approach to most others but I enjoyed this.  No real characters to follow but the theme of a shared humanity facing the end as one keeps it all together.  One of few where I forgot I was reading a script and just let the story pull me along right to the bitter sweet end.  I found it quite affecting in places - it’s just a pity about the budget.

It’s a big concept and the narration works to tie it all together - don't think it would have worked without it.  Linking back to reveal the Narrator at the end was a nice touch.  Solid, visual writing with a clever take on the scenario.

Could have made a good documentary short if the events were true or close to true I suppose. Could be an animation, but this won't be much in terms of entertainment.

I won't lie - it didn't keep me overly engaged as I'm not a fan of documentaries or anything of that sort. But it's quite interesting and unconventional. And the story is good - neat.

The beginning didn't work for me though. I know it goes with your ending - but the very first Narrator's lines felt way too revealing and OTN.

Good, solid work. There are a few thing I'd like cleared up:

"Glass tower blocks across the skyline reflect images of rockets launching all across the city."
This was a really awkward read. After going over it three or four times I concluded that what it meant was,
"Glass buildings across the city reflect images of rockets launching into the sky". Something like that?

"The people in charge had never been in charge, nor were they people. Not like us anyway." What I take away from this is that those in charge weren't human and they really weren't in charge either. So who's in charge?

Why torn off the sun on your way out? I know it completely kills the story if they don't. I just wanna know why it's done. Do we need to kill all the witnesses? Why?

I'm torn between wanting main characters to follow and be engages with or having no main character at all. I really didn't expect to see anyone inside the spaceship. And there seems to be just one man? What's the point of that? He can't procreate by himself.

I think there's probably a feature here. Definitely need some characters to care about.

Writing is excellent.

The narrator gave it a Twilight zone vibe which I don't mind.
We're all aliens I guess, the seed was planted many years ago... you must watch the History Channel lol

No real Characterization but still the story moved along and I liked it.

Great job writer

Hmmm I wanted to like this but I think the Narrator just seemed so flat. And the visuals in between didn't do enough for me.

In a way I liked the deeper things in the script.... like the disaster causing people to forget cell phones and live free again... I loved the lady freeing the dogs...giraffes.... I loved the guy in the skins at the end and I love the Narrators last dialogue.

Some good stuff here but it plays like a documentary or something. There are no protags or no real feeling antags... but for some reason when finished I go away feeling good about this story.

Wow. Just wow. Spellbinding. It would be expensive as hell to film, but fuck it.

Not too many issues, but there's no need to tell us the Oval Office (capitalized, btw) is in the White House; we already know.

"Amoung" threw me for a loop, but technically, it's not incorrect (per se). Just archaic.

Nice twist ending with the Narrator. Superb job.

Earth's Final Moments - Apocalypse, Sci Fi, YA - When the moon spins out of orbit and the true masters of Earth power down the sun, humanity has to decide if it should go quietly into the night, or face extinction in a spectacular blaze of glory. 

Rating: 2
Thoughts: I like this thought of "powering down the sun."  Interesting. 


TITLE: Earth's Final Moments

STORY

Concept is fresh/and or original - 5

Theme is well executed/interweaved - 5

Stakes are clear/conflict is strong and or compelling - 5

Story - 5

Ending - 4

CHARACTER/DIALOGUE

Protagonist(s) is (are) likable and/or compelling - 5

Dialogue reads naturally/believable within this story - 5

Dialogue reveals character -  4

READABILITY

Action text "shows" instead of "tells" - 5

Overall readability - 5

Total: 4.8

Mark, great job buddy.  This was odd, but, lots of fun.

Dan

Come on, no-one wants to buy this script? No-one got a few million to spare? Lol.

Thanks for all the reviews on this, I’ll try to cover most of the comments and questions.  I think I’ll frame this as the first script of mine Jeff has really liked!

The backstory to this, the ‘secret masters’ living in cities underground, false moon etc. That is indeed part of a project I’m working on but I did write this script from scratch in the week. I’m thinking of using this now as a kind of prequel to what I’m developing.

I’m glad some people really wanted to know more about the backstory and get more answers. It lets me know I’m on the right track. All I can say is there are answers and it ties into a much bigger story. Hopefully one day I’ll get the opportunity to tell it in one format or another.

A couple of reviewers noticed this being more of a documentary than a traditional story and that is very true. This is the last few weeks of the human race, of Earth, being documented by the Aboriginal narrator. I chose to show a snapshot of life around the planet and how people reacted to this extinction level event rather than follow one protagonist. This is why the narration is important, as he's documenting the final moments of Earth.

Some people really liked the narration, some hated it. As usual it’s all split down the middle.

How did the Aboriginal pilot the ship on his own? The answer is he didn’t, he’s one of many people on the ship. I just chose to highlight him. Native people on Earth are aware of what is really going on and have been preparing a long time for this. I realise this isn’t in the script, it’s part of the backstory.

I thought mentioning this was an Arc would be enough but I realise I need to show it, so I’m going to update the script so we see behind him other humans, animals and plants being put into suspended animation.

Thanks for all the honest reviews, it has been extremely useful.

-Mark

Wow, I can see how this got such good marks. Just amazing. No idea how this would ever get filmed, but I really hope it does.

Overall - the writing is top drawer. Vivid, crisp - saw everything I was supposed to see. Obviously, this needs to be a small part of something bigger.

A few nits:

Quoted Text NARRATOR (V.0.)Earth’s true masters decided to reveal themselves right at the moment they abounded us

Is abounded the right term here?

Quoted Text NARRATOR (V.O.)Science told us it would take thousands of years for the sun to go cold, but just like there was fake news, there was plenty of fake science to keep us off track.

Probably just me, but the fake news line took me out of the story for a moment and back the present day/Trump era. I would nuke it.

It struck me as odd that there were no religious references (e.g., Vatican City, a church - something like that).

Overall stellar writing and very imaginative.

Hey Dave, thanks for the review and for spotting yet another typo I've missed. Abounded lol. Should be abandoned.

As the religious references, one scene takes place in the Vatican City. It's a quick one but it's there. Thousands line up at St. Peter's square waiting for answer from the pope only to discover he is missing and like all the world's leaders, were not really our leaders anyway but puppets of the real masters.

Mark - yeah, see it - not sure how I missed it.

Best of luck with this - it's a good one