Not a lot I can add that hasn't already been said by others.

I think it's well-written and the fast-pace gets you in from the start. But I also picked up early that it was a game. So maybe that could be concealed better.

Or maybe it just needs a twist upon the twist...

Anyhow, it's a good entry for this challenge. Well done.

Oh man, I'm not a gamer at all. Even antigamer. So, this was tough for me to read.

I'm not going to hold my personal tastes against this though as I should not.

It was just hard to get into it, but I'll either skip it when voting or give it a neutral vote.

Hi writer,

Yeah, the only gamer in this house is my daughter, an internet gamer, and she swears like a sailor over her headset when she’s blowing shit away, or up. That being said, I know the commitment involved and the effort put into this based on any and all video junkies in dire need of a good walk in the park, lol.

JK, but you might have actually needed someone to talk you down after writing this.

Or, maybe you don’t game and just did some serious research for this gig. Either way, great effort, realistic, entertaining and downright chaotic on every level, Best of luck.

Well written and as a gamer I seen how it was going.

Nice use of the parameters..

Good job overall

Man, I was a modder for COD and COD2, but I played in a tactical realism group and we didn't contend with twelve year old dicks. You got the lingo and the action, and I envision super realistic sound effects which really made me miss visuals here. And I think that would be the same for any gamer who'd be into this, audio only just isn't enough.

Aside from that, this is a slice of life piece. There isn't any story, no moral, it's just a day in the life of two gamers. It's cool, it's fun and was probably a blast to write, but it's surface level stuff. It did feel real though, so well done.

I’ll echo some of the sentiments of the others’. I like the idea behind this one, and it was a fun read, but I just didn't see much in the way of story to this. Admittedly I'm not a Gamer myself - so take my comments with a grain of salt, or the whole shaker. Best of Irish luck! -A

The sound effects and gameplay aspects were good. It’s almost like you were playing the game yourself. Two kids living vicariously in a world at war. I’d like to see what effect, if any, this immersion in video games has on the kids’ real world lives.

Writer,

Liked it. You had me until about page three. But until then, it was fast paced and tense, and nothing early on to suggest the reveal that was coming. Pretty good job for the direction you went in.

Steve

No surprise here. Gamers got it, non-gamers hated it. Live and learn.  

Know when to say when.

I should have known this was you! Great job, Dude.