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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    The April 2021 Challenge  ›  I Can't Get No Satisfaction - 04C
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  Author    I Can't Get No Satisfaction - 04C  (currently 1397 views)
Don
Posted: April 17th, 2021, 11:43am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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I Can't Get No Satisfaction by Casey Kasem - Short, Comedy - A radio DJ tries his best to give away a cash prize over the air, but the listeners aren't having any part of it. - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

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JEStaats
Posted: April 17th, 2021, 3:08pm Report to Moderator
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No sh*t, there I was....

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All I could think about while reading this was WKRP in Cincinnati. Man, I loved that show - especially the episode when they made a contest similar to this when they mixed the first couple notes of like ten songs. Funny stuff.

Anywho, some funny bits here. Very relevant and contemporary. Hard to believe so many younger generations don't know who the Beatles were. Yup, funny bits.

Nailed the parameters too. Not easy to do. Good work, writer.
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AnthonyCawood
Posted: April 17th, 2021, 3:09pm Report to Moderator
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Enjoyable fun, and I've certainly heard later night shows like that.

Good effort.


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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jayrex
Posted: April 17th, 2021, 3:56pm Report to Moderator
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Cut to three weeks earlier

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I like this one.  I can see this one play out well on radio.  Hits all the right notes and tones.

I'm satisfied.


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MarkD
Posted: April 17th, 2021, 4:05pm Report to Moderator
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I liked this one. I love AT40 and Classic Rock so this hit home for me. Good job.
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eldave1
Posted: April 17th, 2021, 6:18pm Report to Moderator
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Nails the parameters - nicely written and several chuckles.  One of my favs so far.  You squeezed a lot in 4 pages.


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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Geezis
Posted: April 17th, 2021, 6:38pm Report to Moderator
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There's always a single malt waiting for you.

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Well written. Funny. My hatred of local radio DJs is secured by this story.
Very well done.


If at first you don't succeed........bribe someone.
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PKCardinal
Posted: April 17th, 2021, 8:57pm Report to Moderator
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Funny stuff. Worked for me. Nothing to add.

Except... can I get a FADE OUT? I feel incomplete without it. Thanks!


PaulKWrites.com

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Zack
Posted: April 17th, 2021, 9:15pm Report to Moderator
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Ha! Funny stuff. Pretty much all dialog, and it works great. Only hang up I've got it... Ozzy or Ozzie. Pick one. Good work, writer.
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MarkItZero
Posted: April 18th, 2021, 5:12pm Report to Moderator
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That was an enjoyable enough little short. Don't really have anything to add. Fun idea, good execution.


That rug really tied the room together.
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Claudio
Posted: April 18th, 2021, 5:41pm Report to Moderator
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This was SUPER up my alley. I love this type of humor.

Great execution, I like how you kept innovating with ways that the callers could annoy. The ramping anger was gold.

This was my favorite, awesome stuff~


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SAC
Posted: April 18th, 2021, 8:31pm Report to Moderator
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Writer,

Good job. Loved the DJ banter and the clueless callers. Rock aficionados are a bit arrogant in their knowledge of music, but these callers were stupid. Beginning, middle and end -- check. Entertaining -- yes. Nice work, but now totally wow'd.

Steve


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Warren
Posted: April 18th, 2021, 10:24pm Report to Moderator
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Hi writer,

Very well written and top-notch dialogue.

I enjoyed this one, not much else to add.

All the best.


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MarkRenshaw
Posted: April 19th, 2021, 7:27am Report to Moderator
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That was entertaining and yes, I've heard shows like that.

The only downside to it is how expensive it would be to get permission to use those songs. You'd probably pay more money than all of the other audio scripts in the OWC would cost to produce combined.

Meets the parameters and thanks for the ride!



For more of my scripts, stories, produced movies and the ocassional blog, check out my new website. CLICK
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khamanna
Posted: April 19th, 2021, 8:17am Report to Moderator
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Fun piece and really funny dialog.

And don't we all know who wrote it)
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LC
Posted: April 19th, 2021, 8:30am Report to Moderator
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CALLER 1 (MALE V.O.)
Who are the Beatles?
JAMIE THE DJ (V.O.)
This isn’t Jeopardy.



I must be a crackhead btw. Aussies are big on pineapple on pizza, just in case you don't know.

Not bad.
Entertaining to read just not fully convinced it has quite enough laughs for a radio skit. Good observations and insights, just work in a couple more belly laughs.

Great premise.


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Matthew Taylor
Posted: April 19th, 2021, 10:25am Report to Moderator
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Hello writer

Pineapple on pizza should be a crime... I don't understand how it is not.

Nice and comedic, I can feel the DJ's pain. Not the most exciting of stories but entertaining none-the-less.

Best of luck

Matt


Feature

42.2

Two steps to writing a good screenplay:
1) Write a bad one
2) Fix it
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AlexanderLR
Posted: April 19th, 2021, 12:50pm Report to Moderator
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Reminded me straight away of Alan Partridge, but with a bit of Larry David thrown in. Yeah I don't know about anyone else, but to me it has 'British Comedy' written all over it. Nice one. Thoroughly enjoyed it.
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AlexanderLR
Posted: April 19th, 2021, 12:56pm Report to Moderator
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Reminded me straight away of Alan Partridge, but with a bit of Larry David thrown in. To me this has 'British Comedy' written all over it. Thoroughly enjoyed it. Nice one.
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MD_Thompson90
Posted: April 19th, 2021, 1:03pm Report to Moderator
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That was a fun read! The premise was simple but the 4 page story you created out of it was entertaining and fun to read.  


MD Thompson
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Gary in Houston
Posted: April 19th, 2021, 1:56pm Report to Moderator
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Seems interesting to me that this is only script I've read in this "radio play" challenge that's actually set on the radio.  Seems like it is almost perfectly tailored to the challenge since everything is basically audio.  But it was very easy for me to visualize what was going on.  Thought it was pretty funny -- couple of clunkers in there but every comedy is going to have those.  Maybe would have liked a more bangup response at the end to the guy who asked him to play the song he was trying to get people to identify, but otherwise, really solid work here.  Liked it. Best of luck with it.

Gary


Some of my scripts:

Bounty (TV Pilot) -- Top 1% of discoverable screenplays on Coverfly
I'll Be Seeing You (short) - OWC winner
The Gambler (short) - OWC winner
Skip (short) - filmed
Country Road 12 (short) - filmed
The Family Man (short) - filmed
The Journeyers (feature) - optioned

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LC
Posted: April 19th, 2021, 7:59pm Report to Moderator
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A bit hit and miss for me.
Some nice moments.

Moron callers.

P.S. Kham, I'm pretty sure a certain person is not taking part so I think it's safe to say, nope.
This one's a Stones fan, after all.


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irish eyes
Posted: April 20th, 2021, 8:17pm Report to Moderator
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There`s too much blood in my alcohol

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Well that was fun.

We all have a local station where every other caller is either drunk or stoned lol

I enjoyed this, nice use of the parameters

Good job on entering


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Spqr
Posted: April 21st, 2021, 12:12pm Report to Moderator
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Very funny!
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Gum
Posted: April 21st, 2021, 9:37pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from JEStaats
All I could think about while reading this was WKRP in Cincinnati. Man, I loved that show - especially the episode when they made a contest similar to this when they mixed the first couple notes of like ten songs. Funny stuff.


That was WKRP in Cincinnati episode 11 "The Contest Nobody Could Win"

Was one of my favorite episodes, that and the one where Les Nessman telecasts a promotional turkey drop for WKRP by dropping turkeys from the news helicopter on Thanksgiving… not realizing turkeys can’t fly.

Anyway, yeah this was fast and furious… fun too. Quite a bit crammed into 4 pages, but radio DJs are a different breed, especially the late-night ones.

JAMIE THE DJ: “…and only crackheads want pineapple on their pizzas.”

Lol, I just might be based as fuck, cause ham and pineapple on a thin crust woodfired pizza is all the rage in my world!

Best of luck.
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ReneC
Posted: April 21st, 2021, 10:26pm Report to Moderator
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It's funny because it's true.  

Kidding, of course. But it is funny, and the punchline hits home for me. It would play well visually too. Great job, I like it.


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ghost and_ghostie gal
Posted: April 21st, 2021, 11:08pm Report to Moderator
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Funny! Funny! I liked this a lot.

Hmmm... if there were twenty pages I would read more -- which is saying a lot because I have the attention span of a duck. This was a lot of fun, really. My 2 sense. Best of Irish luck! -A


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MikeCashman
Posted: January 27th, 2022, 10:40am Report to Moderator
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I really enjoyed this short script.  I was cracking up the entire time that the DJ is trying so hard to keep his composure during the call-ins to the contest.  The DJ's line to a caller's answer, "Please find the largest building and throw yourself off of it", or words to that effect, had me laughing at my desk.  Too funny!  Really liked this one!  Great job!!
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MikeCashman
Posted: April 25th, 2022, 1:41pm Report to Moderator
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I was cracking up the entire time I read this.  Really liked the smart-ass DJ and his one liners against his callers.  I had to read it twice to make sure I wasn't hallucinating.  Nope!  I wasn't.  Truly a very witty and comedic script.
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