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Author |
I Can't Get No Satisfaction - 04C (currently 1397 views) |
Don |
Posted: April 17th, 2021, 11:43am |
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AdministratorAdministrator So, what are you writing?
LocationVirginia Posts16381 Posts Per Day 1.94 |
I Can't Get No Satisfaction by Casey Kasem - Short, Comedy - A radio DJ tries his best to give away a cash prize over the air, but the listeners aren't having any part of it. - pdf format
Writer interested in feedback on this work |
| Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.
------------- You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take. - Wayne Gretzky
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JEStaats |
Posted: April 17th, 2021, 3:08pm |
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Old Timer No sh*t, there I was....
LocationTucson, AZ Posts1735 Posts Per Day 0.62 |
All I could think about while reading this was WKRP in Cincinnati. Man, I loved that show - especially the episode when they made a contest similar to this when they mixed the first couple notes of like ten songs. Funny stuff.
Anywho, some funny bits here. Very relevant and contemporary. Hard to believe so many younger generations don't know who the Beatles were. Yup, funny bits.
Nailed the parameters too. Not easy to do. Good work, writer. |
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AnthonyCawood |
Posted: April 17th, 2021, 3:09pm |
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January Project Group
LocationUK Posts4319 Posts Per Day 1.14 |
Enjoyable fun, and I've certainly heard later night shows like that.
Good effort. |
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Reply: 2 - 28 |
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jayrex |
Posted: April 17th, 2021, 3:56pm |
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Old Timer Cut to three weeks earlier
LocationLondon, UK Posts1420 Posts Per Day 0.22 |
I like this one. I can see this one play out well on radio. Hits all the right notes and tones.
I'm satisfied. |
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Reply: 3 - 28 |
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MarkD |
Posted: April 17th, 2021, 4:05pm |
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Posts142 Posts Per Day 0.10 |
I liked this one. I love AT40 and Classic Rock so this hit home for me. Good job. |
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eldave1 |
Posted: April 17th, 2021, 6:18pm |
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January Project Group
LocationSouthern California Posts6874 Posts Per Day 1.95 |
Nails the parameters - nicely written and several chuckles. One of my favs so far. You squeezed a lot in 4 pages. |
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Reply: 5 - 28 |
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Geezis |
Posted: April 17th, 2021, 6:38pm |
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January Project Group There's always a single malt waiting for you.
LocationGlasgow, Scotland Posts411 Posts Per Day 0.27 |
Well written. Funny. My hatred of local radio DJs is secured by this story. Very well done. |
| If at first you don't succeed........bribe someone. |
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Reply: 6 - 28 |
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PKCardinal |
Posted: April 17th, 2021, 8:57pm |
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January Project Group
LocationKansas Posts1447 Posts Per Day 0.63 |
Funny stuff. Worked for me. Nothing to add.
Except... can I get a FADE OUT? I feel incomplete without it. Thanks! |
| PaulKWrites.com
60 Feet Under - Low budget, contained thriller/Feature The Hand of God - Low budget, semi-contained thriller/Feature Wait Till Next Year - Disney-style family sports comedy/Feature
Many shorts available for production: comedy, thriller, drama, light horror |
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Reply: 7 - 28 |
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Zack |
Posted: April 17th, 2021, 9:15pm |
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January Project Group
LocationErlanger, KY Posts4487 Posts Per Day 0.69 |
Ha! Funny stuff. Pretty much all dialog, and it works great. Only hang up I've got it... Ozzy or Ozzie. Pick one. Good work, writer. |
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MarkItZero |
Posted: April 18th, 2021, 5:12pm |
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Old Timer
Posts1007 Posts Per Day 0.35 |
That was an enjoyable enough little short. Don't really have anything to add. Fun idea, good execution. |
| That rug really tied the room together. |
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Claudio |
Posted: April 18th, 2021, 5:41pm |
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January Project Group
LocationLos Angeles Posts102 Posts Per Day 0.06 |
This was SUPER up my alley. I love this type of humor.
Great execution, I like how you kept innovating with ways that the callers could annoy. The ramping anger was gold.
This was my favorite, awesome stuff~ |
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Reply: 10 - 28 |
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SAC |
Posted: April 18th, 2021, 8:31pm |
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Of The Ancients … but some dreams do
LocationUpstate NY Posts3201 Posts Per Day 0.79 |
Writer,
Good job. Loved the DJ banter and the clueless callers. Rock aficionados are a bit arrogant in their knowledge of music, but these callers were stupid. Beginning, middle and end -- check. Entertaining -- yes. Nice work, but now totally wow'd.
Steve |
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Warren |
Posted: April 18th, 2021, 10:24pm |
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Of The Ancients A man who has taught his mind to misbehave
LocationSydney, Australia Posts3897 Posts Per Day 1.36 |
Hi writer,
Very well written and top-notch dialogue.
I enjoyed this one, not much else to add.
All the best. |
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MarkRenshaw |
Posted: April 19th, 2021, 7:27am |
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January Project Group
LocationUK Posts2335 Posts Per Day 0.59 |
That was entertaining and yes, I've heard shows like that.
The only downside to it is how expensive it would be to get permission to use those songs. You'd probably pay more money than all of the other audio scripts in the OWC would cost to produce combined.
Meets the parameters and thanks for the ride!
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| For more of my scripts, stories, produced movies and the ocassional blog, check out my new website. CLICK |
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Reply: 13 - 28 |
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khamanna |
Posted: April 19th, 2021, 8:17am |
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January Project Group
Posts4194 Posts Per Day 0.79 |
Fun piece and really funny dialog.
And don't we all know who wrote it) |
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LC |
Posted: April 19th, 2021, 8:30am |
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Administrator
LocationThe Great Southern Land Posts7584 Posts Per Day 1.34 |
CALLER 1 (MALE V.O.) Who are the Beatles? JAMIE THE DJ (V.O.) This isn’t Jeopardy. I must be a crackhead btw. Aussies are big on pineapple on pizza, just in case you don't know. Not bad. Entertaining to read just not fully convinced it has quite enough laughs for a radio skit. Good observations and insights, just work in a couple more belly laughs. Great premise. |
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Matthew Taylor |
Posted: April 19th, 2021, 10:25am |
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January Project Group
LocationShakespeare's county Posts1770 Posts Per Day 0.89 |
Hello writer
Pineapple on pizza should be a crime... I don't understand how it is not.
Nice and comedic, I can feel the DJ's pain. Not the most exciting of stories but entertaining none-the-less.
Best of luck
Matt |
| Feature
42.2
Two steps to writing a good screenplay: 1) Write a bad one 2) Fix it |
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AlexanderLR |
Posted: April 19th, 2021, 12:50pm |
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Posts70 Posts Per Day 0.06 |
Reminded me straight away of Alan Partridge, but with a bit of Larry David thrown in. Yeah I don't know about anyone else, but to me it has 'British Comedy' written all over it. Nice one. Thoroughly enjoyed it. |
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AlexanderLR |
Posted: April 19th, 2021, 12:56pm |
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Posts70 Posts Per Day 0.06 |
Reminded me straight away of Alan Partridge, but with a bit of Larry David thrown in. To me this has 'British Comedy' written all over it. Thoroughly enjoyed it. Nice one. |
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MD_Thompson90 |
Posted: April 19th, 2021, 1:03pm |
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LocationDallas Texas Posts2 Posts Per Day 0.00 |
That was a fun read! The premise was simple but the 4 page story you created out of it was entertaining and fun to read. |
| MD Thompson |
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Reply: 19 - 28 |
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Gary in Houston |
Posted: April 19th, 2021, 1:56pm |
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January Project Group
LocationTexas Posts1306 Posts Per Day 0.32 |
Seems interesting to me that this is only script I've read in this "radio play" challenge that's actually set on the radio. Seems like it is almost perfectly tailored to the challenge since everything is basically audio. But it was very easy for me to visualize what was going on. Thought it was pretty funny -- couple of clunkers in there but every comedy is going to have those. Maybe would have liked a more bangup response at the end to the guy who asked him to play the song he was trying to get people to identify, but otherwise, really solid work here. Liked it. Best of luck with it.
Gary |
| Some of my scripts:
Bounty (TV Pilot) -- Top 1% of discoverable screenplays on Coverfly I'll Be Seeing You (short) - OWC winner The Gambler (short) - OWC winner Skip (short) - filmed Country Road 12 (short) - filmed The Family Man (short) - filmed The Journeyers (feature) - optioned
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LC |
Posted: April 19th, 2021, 7:59pm |
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Administrator
LocationThe Great Southern Land Posts7584 Posts Per Day 1.34 |
A bit hit and miss for me. Some nice moments. Moron callers. P.S. Kham, I'm pretty sure a certain person is not taking part so I think it's safe to say, nope. This one's a Stones fan, after all. |
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irish eyes |
Posted: April 20th, 2021, 8:17pm |
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January Project Group There`s too much blood in my alcohol
LocationUpstate New York Posts1865 Posts Per Day 0.37 |
Well that was fun.
We all have a local station where every other caller is either drunk or stoned lol
I enjoyed this, nice use of the parameters
Good job on entering |
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Spqr |
Posted: April 21st, 2021, 12:12pm |
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Posts483 Posts Per Day 0.09 |
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Gum |
Posted: April 21st, 2021, 9:37pm |
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Been Around
LocationSome travelling Circus... Posts832 Posts Per Day 0.42 |
All I could think about while reading this was WKRP in Cincinnati. Man, I loved that show - especially the episode when they made a contest similar to this when they mixed the first couple notes of like ten songs. Funny stuff. |
That was WKRP in Cincinnati episode 11 "The Contest Nobody Could Win" Was one of my favorite episodes, that and the one where Les Nessman telecasts a promotional turkey drop for WKRP by dropping turkeys from the news helicopter on Thanksgiving… not realizing turkeys can’t fly. Anyway, yeah this was fast and furious… fun too. Quite a bit crammed into 4 pages, but radio DJs are a different breed, especially the late-night ones. JAMIE THE DJ: “…and only crackheads want pineapple on their pizzas.” Lol, I just might be based as fuck, cause ham and pineapple on a thin crust woodfired pizza is all the rage in my world! Best of luck. |
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ReneC |
Posted: April 21st, 2021, 10:26pm |
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Old Timer
LocationVancouver, BC Posts1435 Posts Per Day 0.31 |
It's funny because it's true. Kidding, of course. But it is funny, and the punchline hits home for me. It would play well visually too. Great job, I like it. |
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ghost and_ghostie gal |
Posted: April 21st, 2021, 11:08pm |
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Old Timer
LocationA helluva long way from LA Posts1565 Posts Per Day 0.29 |
Funny! Funny! I liked this a lot. Hmmm... if there were twenty pages I would read more -- which is saying a lot because I have the attention span of a duck. This was a lot of fun, really. My 2 sense. Best of Irish luck! -A |
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MikeCashman |
Posted: January 27th, 2022, 10:40am |
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January Project Group
LocationBoerne, Texas Posts72 Posts Per Day 0.04 |
I really enjoyed this short script. I was cracking up the entire time that the DJ is trying so hard to keep his composure during the call-ins to the contest. The DJ's line to a caller's answer, "Please find the largest building and throw yourself off of it", or words to that effect, had me laughing at my desk. Too funny! Really liked this one! Great job!! |
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MikeCashman |
Posted: April 25th, 2022, 1:41pm |
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January Project Group
LocationBoerne, Texas Posts72 Posts Per Day 0.04 |
I was cracking up the entire time I read this. Really liked the smart-ass DJ and his one liners against his callers. I had to read it twice to make sure I wasn't hallucinating. Nope! I wasn't. Truly a very witty and comedic script. |
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