Coldwater Two by Barry Voight - Short, Drama - A USGS volcanologist reports his observations of Mt. St. Helens. - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

VERY clever real-life premise.

No problems with the writing - I think it is a bit too short - Maybe adding a call from David to his family/loved one before he realizes the doom would add a little oomph at the end.

I like the use of a historical event here.

Short but effective, though I felt the ending was ambiguous. We hear an end but while kind of obvious it didn’t really impact the way it could have.

Great writing on display though, strong dialogue and the undercurrent of knowing the outcome helps make this a good read.

Well written, but too short to really get into.

Maybe expand a little, bring one of the other mentioned characters into it.

Well written but it needs more. It needs to be made personal since, as it is, there's not enough to connect with the scientist. We need to care that he's about to be killed. Maybe he sent the other person in to his death? A guilt factor? Maybe try to contact the other person?

Good work, writer.

I wish you singled out someone and provided us with his personal story to make it more interesting and a bit more complicated than it is.

Overall too simple for me, no salt, but a good entry overall.

Really well done, super solid.

I think "volcanologist" should be in the dialogue. In an audio format, we wouldn't really know what's going on without that little dialogue line or smth.

I wanted more! I wish there was a more satisfying ending or spicier button etc.

Great stuff~

So well executed but as previously stated needed just a wee bit more.
Well done.

Not bad.  It feels like the start of a story and we we're just about to get into it before it comes to an abrupt end.

All the best.

Good stuff, just not enough of it.

You left several pages on the table which could have made all the difference. We need to care about somebody. Give us a reason to feel something when this thing blows.

I love me some volcano stuff!  

I enjoyed this, felt authentic. Great job.

Hi writer,

A page and a half for such a good premise? I think you could have done a lot more with this is you used the max page count.

Not really enough to sink your teeth into IMO, I think you have a missed opportunity here, damn shame.

The writing is strong but I needed more from this.

All the best.

Wow short and sweet.

Actually too short particularly when your writing is excellent and I was just getting in to it.

Lucky Jeff isn't around to comment on your orphan on the first action block

Good job on entering

Short and sweet but maybe too short. I didn't have enough time to get into the characters before they were all DOOOOOMED!

Solid effort though.

Hello writer

Not gonna lie, it was a bit dull. This is an event not a story, not for me.

The writing was good though.

Best of luck

Matt