Soul Chat by Moloch - Short, Thriller - A bored student strikes up a chat with a stranger who knows him far better than he thinks. - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Firstly, the formatting bugged the crap out of me.

Thankfully, it was totally worth it. I'm not quite sure if this was a phone call or live chat, but it was pretty cool. This is the first entry I've read that hasn't had any sound effects or background noise, too.

Good work, writer.

Small nitpick... She introduces herself as Lacie, I'd use that rather than Unknown.

Liked the idea, nice twist, worked well and could be 'filmed' easily.

Good effort

Agree with Anthony that the way you introduced the character Lacie confused me. And also agree with John that the format bugged the crap out of me. And finally, I also agree with them that this is a creative and satisfying story. Good work.

Really neat, well done. I liked the left turn, classic comeuppance story.

It's definitely not audio in my opinion, I think this is a "text-on-screen" type of thing.

Regardless, good stuff~


*eldave pointed out that a fully text script fits the parameters. I totally missed that, nice work~

Good stuff. Rolled it out nicely.

For the purposes of the challenge, the formatting didn't bother me. But, I wouldn't leave it as such otherwise.

Of course, you could easily make this yourself, in which case the formatting doesn't matter one bit.

Thanks for sharing.

Not bad.

The credit card thing, made me think he was chatting with a lady of the night, or a scammer.

Definitely meets the challenge.

Apart from being slightly confused on the last page I totally get it. The formatting, the texting, the mystery. I don't think the last page worked well, turned into a vengeance text and sort of ruined it for me a bit but I liked this nonetheless.
Well done.

I appreciate the attempt at a new format – thought it was interesting. I did get confused in some places as to whether they were texting or talking (NOTE – finished – no longer confused).

Okay – done – I really liked this a lot.  Very clever use of the parameters and a very compelling little story. You get very high marks from me.

Hi writer,

Okay, definitely a unique approach to the challenge, it was also creepy and somewhat surreal… communication from beyond the aether.

Because you’re, or Chris for that matter is typing, stilted responses, or second guessing words and thoughts won’t really work, as in:

Is he...can I talk to him?

This is more like conversation and the mind changing gears mid thought, but it only shows once or twice so no biggy. It’s got a ‘When Bad Things Happen to Good People’ book type vibe, so it works for me, but then there’s the Deux ex Machina, the ghost lurking in the machine somewhere that makes it interesting to keep reading… best of luck.

Hi writer,

I'd be lying if I said I liked the formatting, it hurts my eyes.

I liked where this was going, I didn't like where it ended up.

Can't comment on the screenwriting, because there isn't any.

The twist really destroyed the setup for me. I think you have something here that would work really well with a bit of a rewrite.

All the best.

I really like this. It's creative and cheap to film. I mean, you could film it exactly as it appears on the page.

I also appreciate the format, it is inventive and stands out.

Excellent work.  

Hi Writer

Don't have too much to add other than I enjoyed it, and the twist. The format didn't bother me as it worked for what it was.

Not sure what was happening at the end. A quick google for the translation and I get something like "you may enter" so has he just given her permission to enter his body? I wouldn't know the translation without googling it though.

Nice work

For some reason it didn't get to me like I think it could - with some tweaks.
I get that it's text only.

Even texting is not done in a vacuum though. Sometimes it's effective on its own, but... My advice, which obviously you can take or leave, is add some atmosphere and some sound effects. It felt lacking in another dimension.

I liked the Chili Peppers joke.

It took a bit long getting there for me.

This: Pleasevggggg etc.
The words at the end should freak me out, but they didn't.

If this is an "audio" challenge, what are we going to hear?  Clicking on a keyboard?  If they were talking back and forth I think I would be much more on board with it.  I understand the format, it basically looks like your texts on a cellphone.  So it's clever, and unique, but again, not within the scope of the challenge.

I also feel like I've seen this type of story done before, but I did like the twist at the end, so good job there.  Overall, a good effort, just doesn't meet the challenge in my mind.  Best of luck with it.

Gary