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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    The April 2021 Challenge  ›  Poor Bastard - 04C
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  Author    Poor Bastard - 04C  (currently 1151 views)
khamanna
Posted: April 20th, 2021, 6:55am Report to Moderator
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I really enjoyed it. I just wish we went a bit deeper about them, learned these two in person.

But good story, all on the page, well told.
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Zack
Posted: April 20th, 2021, 12:35pm Report to Moderator
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I really liked this one. Creative and horrific. I do wish we would have gotten more of a reaction from the Captain at the end. Definitely meets the challenge. Writing is great, no complaints there. This is a good one.
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Spqr
Posted: April 21st, 2021, 12:03pm Report to Moderator
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The action and dialog were good, but I think what’s missing is a stated reason for the existence of the thing in the space ship. Was it an experiment gone bad, or did it come from out “there?”
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ghost and_ghostie gal
Posted: April 21st, 2021, 4:24pm Report to Moderator
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Insert usual disclaimer here, not a pro, just an interested reader.

I'm a sucker for “space" movies —

I read this a couple of times to form an opinion. I thought that was very serviceable for a Sci-Fi, it works good as an audio here, you painted the picture well enough.

I’m known for not having a sense of humor, but the ending did elicit a chuckle.


All the best.

Ghost


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ReneC
Posted: April 21st, 2021, 7:17pm Report to Moderator
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Neat idea, good job with the descriptions. The tone was a little wobbly. It could have been a dark comedy and flirted with that in the middle with the whole stick-my-head through bit, and that would have been great. As it is, the ending seemed to light and fluffy instead of grim. I still like it, the captain expects to be obeyed and that's turned on its head like a mirror being held up. Which is a missed opportunity, I felt, to echo the captain's own words about the entity mimicking speech.

Good entry, just not effective enough for me.


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SAC
Posted: April 21st, 2021, 9:34pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


… but some dreams do

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Writer,

Kind of on the fence with this one. I liked it, but it didn't grab me tight. Actually, the truth is, there was another script in this challenge that had a similar premise -- same type of reveal -- that was just better, IMO. So, as this was a decent story, it gets a decent mark. Good work.

Steve


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