SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is March 29th, 2024, 7:42am
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Produced Script Database (Updated!)
One Week Challenge - Who Wrote What and Writers' Choice.


Scripts studios are posting for award consideration

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production
Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    April 2022 OWC  ›  Ol' Shit for Brains was right after all. - OWC
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 1 Guests

 Pages: 1, 2 » : All
Recommend Print
  Author    Ol' Shit for Brains was right after all. - OWC  (currently 592 views)
Don
Posted: April 23rd, 2022, 7:34am Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
16381
Posts Per Day
1.94
Ol' Shit for Brains was right after all. by Shit for Brains - Short, Comedy - A not so clever guy stumbles across an opportunity to save the planet. - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
Logged Offline
Site Private Message
JEStaats
Posted: April 23rd, 2022, 10:47am Report to Moderator
Old Timer


No sh*t, there I was....

Location
Tucson, AZ
Posts
1735
Posts Per Day
0.62
That was quite a bit of silliness, I'll give you that much. Fairly rough in presentation with a lot spelling and grammar errors. Not sure what NB is supposed to mean. None the less, entertaining and complete. The description of his voice being similar to Goofy worked but the alien as Bugs didn't for me.

A fun read, for sure. Good luck, writer!
Logged
Private Message Reply: 1 - 16
Arundel
Posted: April 23rd, 2022, 7:22pm Report to Moderator
January Project Group



Location
Las Vegas, Nevada
Posts
265
Posts Per Day
0.15
Sorry, this one didn't do too much for me. It is kind of funny overall but the laughs just weren't there for me. I kept wondering of the wasteland description of the farm was meant to convey a futuristic setting of perhaps another planet altogether.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 2 - 16
steven8
Posted: April 23rd, 2022, 7:55pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer


The Ed Wood of Simply Scripts

Location
Barberton, OH
Posts
1156
Posts Per Day
0.22
It's like Invaders from Mars meets the Beverly Hillbillies meets Baskets.  Even though the ending was no surprise, I really liked it.


...in no particular order
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 3 - 16
oJOHNNYoNUTSo
Posted: April 23rd, 2022, 8:21pm Report to Moderator
Been Around



Posts
817
Posts Per Day
0.19
First off - humorous title. This is overwritten by way of adverbs. That said, the visuals the writer was going for were clear and energetic.

The way Jessie treats his brother gives the reader a soft spot for Melvin’s character. The dialogue stands out in a good way, especially at the end when Jessie says we better push that button. There’s a good contrast between the slowness of Melvin’s speech and the fast pace of the alien. I think that contrast would translate well on film.

I thought the pliers were going to be pivotal to the story later on since Melvin valued them so much. The overall story didn’t grab me, but the writer created intriguing characters and I enjoyed how this dysfunctional family interacted with each other.
Logged
Private Message Reply: 4 - 16
AtholForsyth
Posted: April 24th, 2022, 4:50am Report to Moderator
January Project Group



Posts
157
Posts Per Day
0.04
Quite a lot of funny one liners and overall I enjoyed it although I seen the end coming which is a shame . I think a wee end twist would work wonders.

Ohhhhh what happened to the pliers.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 5 - 16
PKCardinal
Posted: April 25th, 2022, 12:32pm Report to Moderator
January Project Group



Location
Kansas
Posts
1447
Posts Per Day
0.63
"We are considered, certainly on our planet, to be the most ingenious race in the entire cosmos." I got a good laugh out of this line. Could easily apply to humans, yes?

There were a few good laughs in here.

The pliers... I thought they were going to be important. Kind of disappointed that they weren't. It would be pretty easy to make them critical to activating the shield. I hope you consider rewriting for that purpose.

Obviously, budget isn't a concern.


PaulKWrites.com

60 Feet Under - Low budget, contained thriller/Feature
The Hand of God - Low budget, semi-contained thriller/Feature
Wait Till Next Year - Disney-style family sports comedy/Feature

Many shorts available for production: comedy, thriller, drama, light horror
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 6 - 16
MikeCashman
Posted: April 25th, 2022, 12:41pm Report to Moderator
January Project Group



Location
Boerne, Texas
Posts
72
Posts Per Day
0.04
This story completely lost me.  I couldn't make out what was happening through out the story.  I got lost midway through the script and confused while trying to understand what was happening.  
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 7 - 16
AnthonyCawood
Posted: April 25th, 2022, 7:21pm Report to Moderator
January Project Group



Location
UK
Posts
4319
Posts Per Day
1.14
Gentle and funny, liked it overall.

Not a fan of the "Straight away we know..." type of intro's but that's just me.

Detectors don't generally have flashing red lights, but I'm thinking maybe they should


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 8 - 16
MarkRenshaw
Posted: April 26th, 2022, 4:56am Report to Moderator
January Project Group



Location
UK
Posts
2335
Posts Per Day
0.59
A bit too goofy (see what I did there?) for my tastes but a very creative interpretation of the challenge. The title gives away the ending so there is no surprise there.

You managed to fit a lot in 10-pages but I did find myself skimming and there are quite a few errors, but I just presume you were in a rush.

This may work better as an animated short and a full-on homage to the Chuck Jones era of cartoons.


For more of my scripts, stories, produced movies and the ocassional blog, check out my new website. CLICK
Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 9 - 16
Rob
Posted: April 26th, 2022, 9:17pm Report to Moderator
New


Posts
218
Posts Per Day
0.11
I really liked this script. There were plenty of successful nuggets. I loved that Melvin was talking to the pliers and that his expression was "forever goofy." It was funny when the alien added that it was "stoked that you speak English, by the way." I also appreciate the line: "That's it, he's dead." Overall, I admire the style and the wit. Yeah, there were some grammatical issues, but that's an easy fix.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 10 - 16
LC
Posted: April 27th, 2022, 9:43pm Report to Moderator
Administrator



Location
The Great Southern Land
Posts
7582
Posts Per Day
1.34
Hey John! You been hiding under a rock? Bit of metal detecting humour there.
NB comes from the Latin phrase “nota bene,” which means “mark well or note well this information.

Okay, reading on:

As is, the pliers were irrelevant. Make that find specifically lead Melvin to the big something else or there's quite a bit of wasted filler imh.

Btw, I wanted Bugs to be named as such. Voice gets a bit boring after a while especially for a character who has a lot of character.   I really liked the immodesty of the character -

Yeah, I had to pick (a) voice.  We're amazing imitators.


Had a few chuckles, characters were well defined, denouement was a little predictable but also satisfying as a way to vindicate poor misunderstood Melvin and put smartarse Jessie in his place.

Nice work. Entertaining. Well done!


Logged
Private Message Reply: 11 - 16
khamanna
Posted: April 28th, 2022, 9:40am Report to Moderator
January Project Group



Posts
4194
Posts Per Day
0.79
I liked Jessie and "shit for brains" line. Although when you see something like that you expect Throw Momma from the train kind of comedy. And maybe you tried something in that sense.

Jessies interaction with Melvin was good overall, had a spark.

You could rewrite with that in mind and making characters a bit more multi-dimensional than they are.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 12 - 16
Gum
Posted: April 28th, 2022, 10:25am Report to Moderator
Been Around



Location
Some travelling Circus...
Posts
832
Posts Per Day
0.42
Well written, funny... loved it! Two words… Simple Jack.

Logged
Private Message Reply: 13 - 16
ColinS
Posted: April 29th, 2022, 6:08pm Report to Moderator
January Project Group


Serve the Public Trust

Location
UK
Posts
232
Posts Per Day
0.23
GUM - I pray they make Simple Jack into a feature!

And Satans Alley for that matter!


"Some day I'll Be Saturday Night..."
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 14 - 16
 Pages: 1, 2 » : All
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    April 2022 OWC  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006