Quoted from AtholForsyth That's a bit harsh KH , be nice. Be constructive not destructive. Rome wasn't built in a day. LC's edit: Removed All Caps.

Hmm interesting, your reaction I mean. I consider this one one of the better ones.
Oh and just encouraging the writer to take it further perhaps

PS I see where you are steming from and changed just one bit in my review - (nothing much)� to (not enough)

Whew! This turned very dark.

And yet the humour shines through.
Another one with some lovely visuals from start to finish.

Kinda feel like this line below is redundant:

Cold realization sets in. If he'd struck that bomb the right way with the shovel, he could've been killed.
Considering what happens next it's moot. Plus it's a tell for the reader, unless we see that shovel almost come down and then see Mel backing off.

I think with another draft this one cries out to go the comedy route. The 'Stupid Tech' inclusions are terrific fodder for laughs. The tone is just a bit discombobulating and I felt like you couldn't quite decide - comedy or hard-hitting (pun there) drama.
.
I enjoyed this a lot, despite the grim ending.
I want to see another draft!

P.S. I guess you already know the word in your Logline should be 'discovers'?

One of my VG’s actually. It got stuck in my head, I’ll never forget the image of the guy with a phone in his head