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Huh. Different. Certainly unexpected, which is worth something in a competition such as this.
It raises the question of what, exactly, Callie was running from in the first place. I mean, herself, right?
I would call it thought-provoking to some extent. Not a bad script. The cell phone seems an unnecessary detail, but apart from that, there is little to complain about.
Maybe more could be made of the metaphor her getting back into the closet? Like she nearly told the girls earlier but is chased back into the closet by her won fear... spitballing.
Gay in 2021 not exactly a revelation. A slight twist to which I was expecting more instead we got a lecture... Positive message but not a riviting read
Pretty much a letdown from beginning to end. Same tired pursuit story, and when you got to the twist, it just became a preachy, on the nose, rehash of an issue that shouldn't be an issue anymore. Disappointing in the direction you took it when you had all sorts of options at your disposal. Better luck next time.
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Bounty (TV Pilot) -- Top 1% of discoverable screenplays on Coverfly I'll Be Seeing You (short) - OWC winner The Gambler (short) - OWC winner Skip (short) - filmed Country Road 12 (short) - filmed The Family Man (short) - filmed The Journeyers (feature) - optioned
The inability to change the distance to her pursuer has me thinking it's (at least metaphorically) her own shadow.
I thought cellphones not working was a hallmark of the horror genre
Okay, the twist was that we didn't get the twist in almost every other pursuit story? So, it's original in that respect. With a little bit of breathing room, the sermon at the end could get broken up into something bearable.
There are parts of the world where it is not safe to be a gay in high school, even in the US. But anyone contributing to that problem isn't going to see this short at any festival that would carry it. That's not a criteria of the challenge though. Cut it enough to fit inside 60 seconds, and you could have a PSA on your hands.
The only criteria-related bit is having a soccer team may blow the "preferably" low budget for its length.
Should have used minislugs when inside the house, but I can see why they're absent (out of space on the page). Probably also why the final blocks of dialog are so long... breaking them up with action would spill onto a thrid page.
Pretty cool story. You can't run from yourself and who you really are. I strangely thought the doppleganger was a bit of an anti-climax, even though in principle I like the idea.
I don't know... Some other element felt like it was missing for me, but at the same time I liked it.
I really like what you're going for. It's hard to express that in two pages. But I'd definitely try to cut out the dialogue at the very end. Have all the events that happen to her be an expression of that message instead.
It could be this doppelganger is some deformed version of herself, only for her to find out it's her insecurity that's distorting it. Or, there's no doppelganger and she herself is turning into a monster - and by embracing it the transformation becomes something beautiful. Those are random brain fart ideas. You'll have your own unique expression of it that'll be much better.
With a few more pages to work with I think this could be really good.
Kind of title that either delivers in spades or ends up feeling like a placeholder. Let's see...
A little too didactic and direct for my tastes. Elements of horror/thriller in the set-up but the payoff didn’t really swing towards either. More a ‘be proud of who you are’ moment than the torn to shreds by the woodchipper/monster/evil entity I’ve come to expect. Nothing wrong with it, just doesn’t seem to fit the parameters on this one. Maybe one to return to with a more subtle approach.
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This is yet another script where I like the concept, but the execution just falls flat -- mainly because it's so incredibly on the nose. I mean, she literally comes out of the closet.
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Inverts the evil twin/doppelganger trope on its head. You could even argue the doppelganger is just a figment of Callie's imagination, a part of her persona personified.
The dialogue could use some punching up but a good entry in my book.
Personally, I thought those initial moments where we see the interplay between the girls held real promise to then introduce horror within the situation.
It then shifted away to more of a comforting message, which made it feel a little genre confused to me.
You had the tension with Tanya and Kacie, but it never goes beyond that, so for the sake of economy I think you would better making that scene just Sophie and Callie if you don't make use of the tension with the other two characters.