Aside from the mundane first page, you had me up until the line about two police coming. It took a step too far, it was already effective. That was perhaps the moment for the realization of what she was saying to hit home and for her sadness to come through. Do that and there won't be a dry eye in the house.

A cute little Ghost story that needs little more suspense.

Playing on the kid's talk to Ghosts more than anyone theory I guess

Not a huge twist at the end and maybe should have made the Daughter more sympathetic.. but yet she is only five.

Good job on entering

Is there an actual twist here? Even so, conveniently creepy, sort of a “Sixth Sense” feel to it.  Nicely written and a good tone throughout. Good effort here.

A good quietly sinister atmosphere to this, just needs amping up a touch.

I'd maybe have Mom comment in a flustered way as if she's heard the tale before about Amy having conversations with Granddad in the afterlife. Have her cranky, not wanting to entertain the kid's fantasy.
Not this again, Amy!

Edit some of the opening perhaps, add in some content re Daddy being angry with Amy the night before for a more layered sinister and calculated collaboration between Amy & Granddad maybe? I know, you only had two pages...

I think the final lines are redundant/anti-climactic.

'whipped cream' btw.

Another terrific premise.
Kept me on my toes for sure.

A good, old fashioned ghost story. No new spins on a familiar story but solid writing.

A scenario where a child has been endowed with the ability to speak with recently deceased relatives who wish to forewarn of death is a creepy concept, a scenario wherein her ‘Dark Zone’ has been activated by those beyond the physical, wandering through the ether of time until, perhaps, the whole family is reunited, then onto reincarnation. Just thinking out loud of the potential behind this concept you penned here. I like it, best of luck.

Decent enough idea here but needs a polish, especially the first page, plus it seems odd she'd ask when her dad is coming home if he's already dead. Might be better if it's the mum who mentions him first.

Good stuff though

Very good take on the theme, but I don't think you've made enough of the concept.

Little diffiult to sense genre because of the way it's written.

Less is more on dialogue here, I think.

This feels most like a horror to me, and I think action - rather than dialogue - is your friend in achieving the full potential of a very neat idea.

I'd also like the reveal to be by the door opening and leaving the ending to interpretation to some degree. It would make it more impactful, IMO.

I do like this one, but it needs a pretty thorough rewrite and repackaging of the idea, in my view.

Little girl doesn't care that her dad is going to die? Then why should we?

It's too big a thing for me to get over.

Decently written, though, as others have pointed out, not without a few small cleanups.

Not bad. Not yet great.

Cool.  I like it.  Nice little story.  I feel it meets the challenge.

Not sure the title suits.

Simple and effective albeit a little lacking in the thrills department.  Like the use of the ring doorbell at the end there to pay it off.  Easy enough to film.  Hope you come back to this - maybe give it a little more creep factor.