Just, nope.

I expected backlash, considering the subject matter.  But I didn't expect it to be so harsh.

I held back a ton here, only implying violence and sexual assault, and not showing any at all(besides Michael grabbing the boy by his throat). But according to some reviews, I showed no subtlety what-so-ever and this is just child torture porn.  

I didn't think Michael being naked would be an issue. Filmmakers could easily fake that shot. No problem. The boy wouldn't even need to be present with a naked adult man, if the filmmakers were creative enough. And it's not like I describe the dudes dong and berries in great detail or anything. Lol

As for the twist being too early and there being no "sting in the tail". I completely disagree. Maybe the twist is a bit early, but it's a two page script. The twist wasn't really my goal with this script, but instead I wanted to deliver a sting in the tail(an indicator that very bad things are going to follow). And I believe I delivered in that aspect. In spades. Lol

While I am a bit disappointed in the response here(I've written far more graphic shorts than this), I do understand why I got that response. And I absolutely respect it.

Thanks for the reads, I do appreciate them.

My concern wasn't for the adult on-set, because that's just editing. My concern was the child being naked and rigged with a ball. It can't be a mannequin because the child emotes and interacts with the other actor.

I did think this one was well-written, just not practical to shoot.

BTW, all of those concerns vanish if the victim is an adult.

Here's the big takeaway - It was really well written. Good work, Zack.

Quoted from FrankM My concern wasn't for the adult on-set, because that's just editing. My concern was the child being naked and rigged with a ball. It can't be a mannequin because the child emotes and interacts with the other actor. I did think this one was well-written, just not practical to shoot. BTW, all of those concerns vanish if the victim is an adult.

But... The child wasn't naked.  

And if I were to change to victim to an adult, wouldn't that rob the story of it's impact a bit?

Still, I appreciate you giving the script a chance.

Quoted from JEStaats Here's the big takeaway - It was really well written. Good work, Zack.

Thanks, Dude.

Quoted from Zack But... The child wasn't naked.   And if I were to change to victim to an adult, wouldn't that rob the story of it's impact a bit? Still, I appreciate you giving the script a chance.

Ah, my eye moved the word "naked" over a spot or two. I still think the ball thing may be a bit much, but I wasn't rating it on practicality anyway.

Quoted from FrankM Ah, my eye moved the word "naked" over a spot or two. I still think the ball thing may be a bit much, but I wasn't rating it on practicality anyway.

All good. I'm just being a sore loser. Lol.

I don't have a problem with it. It's designed to evoke a strong reaction. Job well done, I rated it fairly high.

I thought this was well written and it was one of my highest scored scripts, partially because it was ballsy. But the way it's written, having a naked adult man standing over a child who is looking up at him while tied up, if I were a parent of a child actor and I was given the script, I probably wouldn't be cool with that part as written. Yes, I did mention the shot can be cheated, but as a reader, the only thing we're seeing is what you've written. I think you can cheat the shot yourself in the way you write it. But the way it's written, he's literally standing over a 12 year old child with his dick out.

Quoted from spesh2k I thought this was well written and it was one of my highest scored scripts, partially because it was ballsy. But the way it's written, having a naked adult man standing over a child who is looking up at him while tied up, if I were a parent of a child actor and I was given the script, I probably wouldn't be cool with that part as written. Yes, I did mention the shot can be cheated, but as a reader, the only thing we're seeing is what you've written. I think you can cheat the shot yourself in the way you write it. But the way it's written, he's literally standing over a 12 year old child with his dick out.

You wouldn't film it that way, obviously, or even close to it. Writers don't have to get caught up on those logistics though, if I were to produce this I'd take it as is and shoot it so there isn't any traumatic incidents. But that would be my worry, not the writer's.

I'm talking as if I were a parent of a 12-year old child actor and I was just reading the script. Unfortunately, actors don't get to see a film, shot list or storyboard, they need to read a script first.

Quoted from spesh2k I'm talking as if I were a parent of a 12-year old child actor and I was just reading the script. Unfortunately, actors don't get to see a film, shot list or storyboard, they need to read a script first.

I think, at that point, it's up to the director to explain how that scene will be handled when it comes time to film.

Quoted from ReneC I don't have a problem with it. It's designed to evoke a strong reaction. Job well done, I rated it fairly high.

Thanks, Man.

Yeah, for me the whole challenge was about evoking a strong response.

I think the reason I write stuff like this is, to me, the scariest thing imaginable is a helpless child being at the mercy of a very bad person. I don't write this stuff because I enjoy it. I write it because it fuckin' scares me. lol

Quoted from Zack Thanks, Man. Yeah, for me the whole challenge was about evoking a strong response. I think the reason I write stuff like this is, to me, the scariest thing imaginable is a helpless child being at the mercy of a very bad person. I don't write this stuff because I enjoy it. I write it because it fuckin' scares me. lol

I get that. And while the ending is a gut-punch, I can picture pedophiles watching this and cheering at the end lol. I mean, the pedo does win at the end and he does so gleefully. Like dizzyingly gleeful. And we're seeing the whole thing through his eyes.

As for a child actors parents needing to be explained by a director how that scene would be shot -- I'm sure there's showbiz parents out there who wouldn't give a fuck. Yes, the logistics are up to the director but, in screenplay form, it's the writer's job to manipulate what we see and how we're seeing it.

I have a friend who's daughter is a child actor (well, she's an adult now) and they turned down a part in Shane Black's "The Nice Guys" (as Ryan Gosling's daughter) because he didn't want his daughter to be walking around a porn-sponsored party (in the movie) where there's topless women everywhere. And that was a big role that offered a lot of money. Just sayin...