I like the cliffhanger ending, but this feels more like a comedy. Is there a way to set this someplace other than an airport? What about a custom's office. Easier to film.

Very nice. And funny.

This is a fun little romp.  Not sure of what genre you’re dabbling in here.  Feels more like a comedy than anything else.  Also not exactly sure what the twist is.  I thought you might be going for the “sting in the tail” but it didn’t go there.  In fact, it felt like the script ended before the ending, if that makes sense.  I kind of wanted to see how she got out of it.  You had a good setup but you left me hanging there.  Otherwise, pretty good effort.

Also, loved the title page.

Well you don't need to be an orthopedic surgeon to tickle your funny bone with this 2 pager.   But
nothing in the tone of this seems thrilling...if anything, it seems almost lighthearted with the banter between Abbi and Carl. Best of Irish luck!

I think using a goofy title font is sufficient to mark it as a title, you don't need to underline it, too. Also missing the FADE IN: and FADE OUT., probably in a bid to save space.

That must be a big uniform if Abbi and Carl can fit inside it

I like the twist in this one. I don't think Carl will be getting an offer for the permanent job.

Nice job!

Simple and effective, yet felt more like a sketch than a short story. Lacks a bit of a sting in the tail - I bet I'm the first one to use that joke!

Writing could do with a polish to make for a smoother read but I kind of liked the idea, even though it's more scetch-like, and it's nice to read something a bit different.

Good luck

Decent enough effort. I agree with what Gary said about ending it too early. Figuring out how to escape from a scorpion hovering inches from your face seems like the real thriller. Of course, then you wouldn't have the twist ending and it'd probably be more than 2 pages. Post challenge I would definitely like to see how they get out of this situation.

So you decided... sting in the tail... I can do that. Literally.

Fun little short without much depth. Nothing wrong with that. I enjoyed it.

Writing needs some fine tuning. Missing commas hurt the flow.

Not getting much of a horror or thriller vibe from this - tone feels flat and matter of fact.  That’s something to work on that can help pull readers into the scene and kick it up a level.

Why stand still?  Why not get out of there?  Not sure how the scorpions ended up on Abbi’s hat or if they intended to sting - bit open-ended on that count.

Appreciate the nuanced set-up, it’s different and gives you plenty to work with.  I’m not sure this is quite the idea for me.  Good work for entering, maybe one to come back to with fewer constraints.

My favourite so far.

I'm reading in order of the original script posting thread, so just over halfway down.

Loved the interplay between the characters, and the reveal was perfectly played and situated in the script.

Only gripe would be it's more comedy than horror, but that's a small gripe. Although I did find the first paragraph or so a little difficult to get into. Had to make myself come back a couple of times. Had it not been me setting myself the challenge of reading all of the scripts, I would've bowed out. Obviously glad I didn't, but that's how short attention can be when coming to reading scripts.

However, this is a really good script.