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Smiler by Mark Renshaw (markrenshaw) writing as Smiley Emoji - Short, Horror - A man with a freakish frozen smile on his face follows a woman down a deserted side street, determined to carry out his duty. - pdf format
This reads WAAAAAY too similar to "The Smiling Man" short that went viral (there's a few variations of the short online). I do like the twist ending, but it just feels like a rewrite of an existing work.
Writing was okay, though it felt rushed, which sort of killed the tension and suspense while reading.
Well, that was different. Didn't expect that, so you got me. However, I did not feel the tension of the pursuit the way you may have intended. Something more dreadful or foreboding was missing here. Not quite sure what it was.
This is the first one I'm going to comment on of the ones I read, but I'm noticing a very similar theme to quite a few of these, and it does come across pretty derivative. Having said that the writing is pretty good and it was easy to visualise as I was reading.
Very interesting - a story that's been done many, many times but throw in two freakish characteristics to set it apart. It wasn't until you see the upside-down features that it becomes something greater than the average. Good work, writer.
I didn't understand a lot of this. Why is the pursuer smiling if he's just returning her purse? Why is she so freaky? If the "frowner" wanted to go after this guy, why was she running away?
I'm sure the imagery would be cool if shot, but I feel I'd be baffled at the ending.
Smiler – Joker, and then Frowner; I think we’re in Gotham, which makes it dark and surreal. Not sure why she would snarl and give chase if she’s so fugly, you’d think she’d get his number, hook up, and bare fugly kids. None the less, it had a fun turnaround and meets the challenge. Best of luck.
The apparent stalker turns out to be a good guy, and the would-be victim turns out to be a baddie, is an all-too-common theme. I think it would have been more fun if the two freaks found each other attractive and then tried to find a way to kiss.