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This was okay for me. The writing was good, but the twist happened halfway through. I could see this getting picked up and made into a micro-short there -- the ending/final image has potential for a great scare if done right.
Didn't catch a twist at the end. The whole closet thing reminded me a bit of Poltergeist. It had many scary elements in it though...under the bed, in the closet, shape in the mirror. Was just missing a good twist for me.
Not a bad set-up, but you kind of left us hanging, like... So, we know there are monsters, but who are they? what do they want? Basically, no twist here. Makes it feel like the opening tension comes away unfulfilled.
For a two-pager where every word counts, I don't think you need this
With a dancer’s grace, she strides up onto the covers. 'strides' seems an odd word choice too.
You got the spooky vibe spot on, the title is great, you had me on edge, but then there's not really anything unexpected that shocked me.
Maybe if Brenda looks and there's nothing under the bed, nothing in the wardrobe, she checks everything, soothes him - tells him: there's nothing to fear, but fear itself - Mom kisses him goodnight, walks out, and then kid looks up and there it is, clinging to the ceiling. Tony tries to scream - no sound - It dives on top of him - then the sound of his scream, a jarring smash cut, roll some creepy jarring music.
Not sure the logic. If you look at them, you can't see them, but if you look at them through a reflection you can? Note; in horror logic isn't always the most important thing. Still. Scarey.
Not a real twist for me. It was pretty much clear that both will end up dead. And the writing is a bit confusing to understand as to what is going on since so much happens in the sense of action. Could have been written much simpler.
I like the idea of a the old monster under the bed, but the mother acted very weird, like this was almost a daily occurrence. First she speaks to the monster, then she immediately knows to grab a mirror to see better (?). It seems more like the actions of a superhero than a mother seeing monsters attack her son.
A simple reworking of those elements, and this could be a scary, effective horror short.
'Brenda sighs, wipes sleep from her eyes. With a dancer’s grace, she strides up onto the covers.'
IDK, that line struck me very funny when I visualized it.
What's with the mirror? Did I miss something here? Overall, a very straightforward little story that was what Tony claimed, so no surprise except we're not supposed to be expecting them? Parameters aside, a gripping story. Good work, writer.