The dolls are the equivalent of voodoo dolls, but instead of sticking pins in the effigies, Peyton shoves one into the disposal. Works for me. But the big blouse raised a question in my mind: If the blouse the source of evil that caused Peyton to do what she did, does this mean Natalie will turn into a bad guy if she puts hers on? Writers gonna make you think.

Creepy kids and/or creepy dolls. A great combination but no real motive for murder. Nicely written and a decent twist.
Well done.

Aren't woodchippers fun!

But I didn't get anything from the setup that would explain how she could do what she did, or why.

Definitely something here, but I think those two things need some thought.

Wood chipper... never good.

Are we seeing Matt leave by the front door or just supposed to be hearing him leave?  We’ve only heard him up till that point so it could do with a bit more clarity.

So the dolls are like voodoo dolls somehow?  Or is it just the presence of the dress?  What was the significance of the second sparkly dress?

I like what you’re going for but this needs a little more world building to connect the dolls and girl’s actions to the father’s death.  Tough to do in the short space and it's a shame as I like the intent.  As it stands I’m not sure how it all ties together.

Whoa. That was insanely different.  Love the twist at the end. I was really worried that Peyton was going to wind up in the chipper, so glad you at least didn’t go there.  Some good writing on display here.

Writer,

Get what you're going for with this one, but it needs tome explanation as to how the child is able to do this. Sort of lost without that tidbit of info, I think. Well written and all, just misses on the logic front.

Steve

There's a bit of voodoo here! Nice to see the old classics come back.

I would have liked it more if the male doll were dressed like Nathan, or even had something to tie it to the character. But then again, this seems like a reverse of voodoo, like she conjured the red blouse for her doll and one appeared for her mom since the mother doesn't seem to recognize it. But that's where there should be something that ties Nathan to the male doll since the parents and dolls are definitely linked.

Good job subverting expectations with the wood chipper. I knew it was coming but the cause came out of the blue. Nicely done.

I know you only had 2 pages... but, I'm hoping you expand this to include at least some hint as to the why.

Good stuff.

I knew there was going to be trouble as soon as the wood chipper was announced. I like the gruesome end. The origin of these toys would be interesting to learn.

Hey everyone, thanks for reading my work.

Definitely agree, 2 pages is hard to work with to really ramp up the stakes and do a bit of a back and forth with stretching out the rising tension before the payoff. I think I had it in my head that if I attributed the blouse to the Mom, this would read as too obvious with the voodoo dolls, so I decided to not make an exact tie-in on which person was going to die, was it going to be Mom or Dad?

Peyton is oblivious to the fact that this is happening. I hadn't come up with a clear reason as to how these dolls come into her possession and both parents are also unaware (until Mom figures it out too late). Personally, I don't think it really takes away from the story as a 2-pager on how the dolls come into her possession and why this is happening, but I can see how this may make a few readers wanting more!  

This idea was inspired by Treehouse of Horror's Evil Krusty Doll which is a parody of Twilight Zone's, the classic, Talky Tina. Clearly my head is still at the October OWC!

Thanks again everyone.