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Utterly creepy and fun and over the top and a great twist at the end. Great job there.
Some of my scripts:
Bounty (TV Pilot) -- Top 1% of discoverable screenplays on Coverfly I'll Be Seeing You (short) - OWC winner The Gambler (short) - OWC winner Skip (short) - filmed Country Road 12 (short) - filmed The Family Man (short) - filmed The Journeyers (feature) - optioned
Pretty good one. Nice twist, descriptive, visual. Check. Only thing is I don't think it was creepy enough. That part could have been amped up. Otherwise, solid.
… and the cat came back, the very next daaaay! Always loved that little vignette, or litter vignette. Anyway, yeah, this was quick and to the punch, gut punch with poison that is. That must be one special cat, or cats if I’m reading that right, to warrant the retribution of death. I think in Egypt, back in the day, they had a death penalty for harming a cat, as they were seen as royalty, or God-like creatures. Me… I think they’re no more than a domesticated rat, but I better not say that out loud, cause that just might warrant death from cat lovers. Anyway, fun entry, works well for a 2-page snippet; a few questions unanswered, but meh… Best of luck.
They were so focused on each other that the reveal of the fact they even have a son works for the twist. It starts at an absurd level where the death of a cat is ground for justifiable homicide, and the absurdity ramps up with the reveal.
I wasn't a fan of no reaction from the boy. Not even a shoulder shrug, or maybe disappointment that he wasn't the one to kill them.
As a one-and-done it's not bad. It's like if the Addams Family immediately succeeded in killing one another, end of story.
A nice twisted little tale. This might screw up the ending, but could consider bringing the kid into it earlier? He's at the dinner table with them, the picture of innocence. Just a thought.
Simple and effective with a darkly comic twist. Could be one to come back to with a little more meat on the bone for setting up the family dynamic a little more. Nicely handled for the challenge.
My short scripts can be found here on my new & improved budget website:
Cute, funny, and morbid!? I need to take driving lessons from this writer, because I admire how they navigated those traffic cones.
This reminded me a little bit of Courage the Cowardly Dog, for some reason. I'm glad that it didn't just end with the old poison switcheroo. So many "nice touches" here, excellent work.
It might be just me though, but I wish it was something other than the cliche of a couple finding out they poisoned each other as the murder. Maybe something a bit more psychotic for these obviously demented human beings.
Busted.
This is a great note. I'll look for another way.
PaulKWrites.com
60 Feet Under - Low budget, contained thriller/Feature The Hand of God - Low budget, semi-contained thriller/Feature Wait Till Next Year - Disney-style family sports comedy/Feature
Many shorts available for production: comedy, thriller, drama, light horror
A nice twisted little tale. This might screw up the ending, but could consider bringing the kid into it earlier? He's at the dinner table with them, the picture of innocence. Just a thought.
Excellent thought. I'll take a look.
Thanks!
PaulKWrites.com
60 Feet Under - Low budget, contained thriller/Feature The Hand of God - Low budget, semi-contained thriller/Feature Wait Till Next Year - Disney-style family sports comedy/Feature
Many shorts available for production: comedy, thriller, drama, light horror
Also, I figured anybody psycho enough to kill someone over a cat is psycho enough to marry somebody who would kill someone over a cat. And, if two psychos married each other, surely they'd have a psycho child. AND, they'd be proud of their psycho child. It kind of wrote itself.
As for the child having no reaction at the end... that was a conscious choice. This child has no feelings for anyone or anything. But, I could definitely see the argument for him looking at his dead parents and saying, "Awww. I wanted to do that."
PaulKWrites.com
60 Feet Under - Low budget, contained thriller/Feature The Hand of God - Low budget, semi-contained thriller/Feature Wait Till Next Year - Disney-style family sports comedy/Feature
Many shorts available for production: comedy, thriller, drama, light horror