There were a few transitions and scene intros that didn't work for me that I think could be tidied up/improved.

BUT, overall this was really good and very well written.

Great job

Am I the only one who has noticed the thread is called "The Darkest House"? lol


This was well written, the transitions worked well and the characters felt real and unique.

Good use of the interviews and weaving them together, it was great at building up anticipation for an ending that never really came to fruition.
I get the thing has come full circle, he is now being interviewed by the next monster hunter, but rather than hearing about his experience with the camper, I really wanted to see it.

Great writing and imagination on display though.

All the best

Quoted from Matthew Taylor Am I the only one who has noticed the thread is called "The Darkest House"? lol

No idea what you're talking about, Matt.
Must be all that wine you and your wife are imbibing.  

Loved it but a very Jeepers Creepers vibe from it. Would make a great short if expanded by even four more pages and some elements where expanded upon like Jacob's daughter and the Demon's motives.
Very well done writer.

I don't think you needed this line.

BILLY (ON VIDEO)
It’s got me! Do something!

I'll admit to being a bit confused with all the characters but the atmosphere of dread carried this - and a second read too.

I think you spell out things a bit too much here and there. Perhaps trust your audience a bit more with what we're seeing and feeling.

JACOB
Because that is how it could hurt
me the most. It doesn’t go after
the most vulnerable, or the one
that deserves it. It leaves behind
the one with the most to lose.

Bit disjointed that para for me. The first line of dialogue - yes.
Cause Jacob's lost everything already, right? So while that paragraph is pretty poetic I'd suggest the demon is leaving behind a person who's already in hell. Mission accomplished. ...Which is what you're going for I think, but it got a bit muddled for me. Just a thought.

Great horror vibe.

Took me a couple of goes to tie this all together but it was worth it.

The horror is kept in the background and left more to our imagination which works well for the set-up - more chilling and reaction based than shock value and gore.

I like the docudrama approach, makes good use of the non-linear narrative and lets you bounce between timelines without it being too jarring. The interview-style lets you get away with a little more exposition which is a handy touch for the page count.  Wish I’d thought of that…

That said, the writing tripped me up a bit around P5 with all the timestamps and such, maybe there’s a better way to present that information?

All in all a solid groundwork for a low budget short and one that you hopefully come back to with a little more room to breathe.  A firm favourite.

Wow. This was really good. Writing here is EXCELLENT! Great title...just loved it!

GREAT JOB!!!!!

I wrote this in the span of 24 hours. Before that I'd been toying with different ideas, but the idea of interviews to create a mixed chronology and perhaps unreliable narrators struck a chord with me. The rest was trying to come up with something to recount. At first I tried to make a single event from multiple perspectives work, but that was a lot for me to chew. Then I tried to come up with an exorcism-type story told across three particular instances, but what I had in mind was too big. But that supernatural angle led me to this, and I wanted it to not end by making it a loop, because that's the most experimental thing I could think of.

All that thought in a matter of hours, and I wrote it all on Thursday, and it just kept clicking together. I didn't have to change anything, it was all right there in the first draft, at least to me. I also wanted to keep it low budget, which is why I used a video tape for the only real special effect and why I didn't show any of the actual attacks except that one. I think the lines in there would evoke more than enough in the imagination with competent actors. And I submitted early on Friday because I had no more time to write for the day.

The only thing I didn't come right out and say is those times are during the dark of the moon when it occurs at full night. That's why I called it the darkest hour, when the moon is in the sky but dark. Then I chose every three years, because why not.

Thanks for the great comments, everyone. And thanks for voting it pretty high.

This was one of my favourites and is even more impressive to find out it was written in one day. I hope this gets picked up, should be easy to produce you just need some decent actors.

Great work here, Rene. One of very few 5's I gave out this challenge.