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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    The May 2021 Challenge  ›  Hollywood is Dead - May3
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  Author    Hollywood is Dead - May3  (currently 517 views)
Don
Posted: May 29th, 2021, 5:20pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Hollywood is Dead by Those Dirty Little Rabbits - Misfortunate times for a rebellious fool when he competes for a running title amongst the Hollywood Crème de la crème, only to find himself walking along the boulevard of broken dreams… and bones.  Short, Dramedy


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LC
Posted: May 29th, 2021, 6:28pm Report to Moderator
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Whew! Now that's a title page. Love it!
I'll be calling on you to do my next one.

You get full marks from me for whacky, out there, experimental narrative, with some lines that made me: Say what?

INSERT POSTER: 3RD ANNUAL RUN LIKE ‘MICHAEL DOUGLAS’  

Big fan of The Game, and Falling Down here. Thinking about it I think you could do with a reference to the very dodgy movie that is:  Don't Say a Word.

So, Winslow's a threat to Michael Douglas taking out the Marathon, so he kidnaps him?
Who's Mario then?

I'm stumped.

Well done for writing out there, crazy, madcap stuff!
Maybe somebody else will explain to me what actually went down later...  


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eldave1
Posted: May 30th, 2021, 10:27am Report to Moderator
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Quoted Text
On the grimy pavement, a man, WINSLOW (20), is upon his knees, he begs for mercy as he holds his broken hand


“Upon his knees – or – on his knees.

Really should be a period after knee and “he” should start a new sentence.


Quoted Text
That’s not and innuendo.


An – not and

Okay – I got lost – big time.  I am very confused.  Some of it was due to no time references - an indication here or there in terms of where we were time-wise would have helped. Second, I don't remember all the movie references.

The actual writing here is very good. Descriptions and dialogues are solid, IMO. But you take a risk i(confusion wise) n shorts like this with references that may not be readily understood.  I'm still not sure I understand this otherwise well written story.


My Scripts can all be seen here:

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ReneC
Posted: May 30th, 2021, 8:38pm Report to Moderator
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I think I see the timeline in there, but for me, the back-and-forth time jumps only serve to confuse. There isn't a reason for them except to meet the requirements. The cold open is certainly effective, and it might have worked better if everything was a flashback but in chronological order from there.

The dialogue got quite campy at times, but the whole thing gets campy so it kind of fits. It just feels like the tone of this should have been different, it starts quite dark and cold and turns into pink fluffy unicorns dancing on rainbows, and then back again.

Weird one. Doesn't quite work for me, but it could with some tweaks.


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ghost and_ghostie gal
Posted: May 31st, 2021, 2:38am Report to Moderator
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Ahoy writer,

That read was zany, and had that oddball quality to it. I want to say... If sanity levels could something be upped slightly, I think the zany characters would benefit. As things stand it's not just them that's zany, it's the situation as well. In among all the weirdness that's happening. But I can't, they seem to fit in the world you’ve built.

I’m sure there’s a method to this madness. I tried, but I'm just not sure.  Best of Irish luck!-A



Revision History (1 edits)
ghost and_ghostie gal  -  May 31st, 2021, 3:15am
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Lono
Posted: May 31st, 2021, 8:15am Report to Moderator
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Writer,

This was F*ing bonkers and i loved it. Some really hilarious stuff man, I was hoping for a montage! you spelled it out and didn't deliver, misdirection? lol. Great job!
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MarkRenshaw
Posted: June 1st, 2021, 2:36am Report to Moderator
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What did I just read?


For more of my scripts, stories, produced movies and the ocassional blog, check out my new website. CLICK
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JEStaats
Posted: June 1st, 2021, 1:10pm Report to Moderator
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No sh*t, there I was....

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That was messed up. The worst part was is that I kinda liked it. I got the gist of it but I'm still pretty much lost. My only issue was that he was listening to Maniac on the Vegamatic? That was a blender, wasn't it?

Oh yeah...a dude's tug-palace. Classic. It says it all.
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Gum
Posted: June 1st, 2021, 1:13pm Report to Moderator
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Michael Douglas, lol. I always saw him as an Alpha Male, a Man’s Man if you will, or perhaps even a mentor. To imagine him unhinged and running amok in and around Hollywood is a fun visual, but I guess you could go with any and all ‘A’ list actors who are no longer employed, well… not like the good ol’ days of silver screen icons and throw them in a precariously silly situation for that alternate-verse, clown world entertainment value that’s so sought after nowadays.

Him losing his shit and trying to find purpose, adapting, and falling prey to dementia, or Alzheimer’s and losing site of reality by becoming a character he once created would be sad and humorous at the same time. I don’t really want to, but I could just imagine him falling into the perpetual mindset of a character so unstable such as William "D-Fens" Foster (one of his most iconic characters), forever out of touch with reality, that his sole purpose in life becomes terrorizing the backstreets of Hollywood, rifling through other ‘A’ list actors’ garbage, eating from their gardens, etc.

And of course, there’s the marathon, which is just another prime example of a select few members of society that are so out of touch with their own reality that they would always favour a mass movement by idolizing these people for all the wrong reasons, living their life vicariously in their footsteps, even if there’s no reason to be had except someone took their picture and put it on the front of a magazine.

Ah, yes… Hollywood. So strange when it was alive, even more bizarre in death. Not sure why you went this far off the track, but I guess sometimes you just have to get off the merry-go-round and take a walk along the mushroom trail. Best of luck.
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spesh2k
Posted: June 1st, 2021, 6:20pm Report to Moderator
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What's a gimp-runner? Lol, sounds like someone who runs a sex-slave trafficking operation.

So, this was a trip. The dialogue was very big lol. It was very off the wall and I liked that. But, I figured I'd be confused by a lot of these stories given the parameters of the challenge. And, like many of the stories, it was difficult to figure out what this story was about exactly. I definitely got lost. But, even though I was confused, it was still entertaining.

Nice work.

-- Michael




THE SUICIDE THEORY (Amazon Prime, 79% Rotten Tomatoes) https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2517300/?ref_=nm_knf_i1
RAGE (Coming Feb. 2021) https://www.imdb.com/title/tt8874764/?ref_=nm_knf_i2

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Matthew Taylor
Posted: June 2nd, 2021, 7:29am Report to Moderator
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Hello writer

Well, you win the award for my favourite title page  

You also win the award for the most bat-shit crazy script.

No idea what is happening, I feel like I stumbled upon an inside joke and I'm completely confused.

Nice effort though, seems like you had fun writing it.


Feature

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Two steps to writing a good screenplay:
1) Write a bad one
2) Fix it
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Cacutshaw
Posted: June 2nd, 2021, 3:06pm Report to Moderator
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Holy shit this was weird! I love it! My fave so far.

I truly was astounded by this. Each scene completely surprised me. And I'm glad I'm not the only one who didn't like The Game.

And it now totally makes sense why Mr. Douglas (I dare not call him Mike) would be unhappy going down on a gal. He is totally dick obsessed.

A really strange take on Hollywood "acting". Loved it!
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Geezis
Posted: June 3rd, 2021, 3:52pm Report to Moderator
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There's always a single malt waiting for you.

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Am I right in assuming that Deep Throat.......sorry, Deep Voice is actually Michael Douglas? And he breaks Winslow's hand so he can win the marathon? It's certainly an interesting read and well written apart from some errors but did it do it for me? I'm not sure, on the fence with this one but it's certainly not terrible.
Well done.


If at first you don't succeed........bribe someone.
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AnthonyCawood
Posted: June 3rd, 2021, 5:44pm Report to Moderator
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Lots of individuals bits of this that I liked and made me smile... but didn't get it all at all.

Not sure the time shifts were even remotely important in this, but they didn't detract either.

Montageing is genius.

Good effort


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
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FrankM
Posted: June 3rd, 2021, 6:55pm Report to Moderator
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Great effort on the title-page graphic, but the eye holes don't quite work as O's. Creepy as hell, though.

Wasn't sure when the second scene happened, but appears to be not too long before the first scene.

Okay, reached the end and I'm confused... is Mario the Deep Voice? Also, if "Hollywood Is Dead" is some kind of pop-culture reference then it was completely lost on me.

Good effort!


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