Hmm. Cute enough. I'd feel a bit fleeced if I saw this as a film. The beginning teases potential real-world stakes, then the tension just kinda slowly dissipates from there as we realize that the rest of the thing's just mucking around in VR.

Strong opening. I liked the ominous feel of the player being hacked and forced into a new game with a different avatar. The switching of genders was interesting. Characters and dialogue felt realistic.

The end felt a little too sunny. I feel like there's one more surprise to be had. What if there is another player lurking just around the corner who isn't as friendly as Amanda. A dangerous third party? The two players might have to join forces against something that is truly frightening.

You had me at Warzone. I've been totally sucked into it since the whole stay at home order (currently a one star Brig. General). I had high hopes for some true horror but it just didn't pay off.

I'll admit that I enjoyed the read but it could have been so much more: Lose an arm or a leg; Malatov cocktail burns; skull-faced hacker....

It fits the challenge but weak in horror. Thanks for entering!

Aww, it's a meet cute! Adorable.

The twist that a girl is behind it all isn't exactly fresh but it still plays well. A lot of the avatar and VR tropes are on display here. It's well-trodden territory too.

The real horror is why she's stalking him. Does she hack everyone who pisses her off? There's a story. Still, the horror elements here are decent, the only problem is in VR there are no real stakes. If his avatar dies, so what? That robs a lot of the tension horror relies on.

Opening Slug needs work, as in what room are we in?

Delete Page 6, as it's blank.

Tough one to judge here, as I have to admit that I found it quite cute, but it's not horror in any way - well, it could be written as horror, but you didn't do that.  This is a RomCom of sorts, with kids...kids who can do things that are pretty much impossible.

I think a big problem is hat you named the games, which makes us realize this is not in the future, and because of that, there's no Future Shock here - the ability to take over lights, TV, stereo, gaming devices is SyFy, but it's BS SyFy.

I can't say I didn't like this, but I have to grade by the parameters - but you still get a pretty good grade anyways.  But if I was voting, it would be a "did not meet challenge parameters".

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