No future tech at all really, but...

I am a sucker for dystopian stuff, and Trumpists? Cool. Ya got me...

Someone earlier alluded to Noah losing his arm "for so long." When he catches it in the bear trap, afterwards it says something like he clutches his arm. You can't clutch your injured arm if you only have one arm, so I assumed then that he somehow cut his own injured arm off?

For food? Which is cool. And disgusting. But cool... but really, really disgusting.

Nice work. Definitely parameter bending, but I feel that you got something marketable out of this exercise.

AJR

Ok, lots of good in this, but again I feel this seems too expansive for the criteria/budget (you are not alone). Then again it is only three of them and perhaps this could be simply filmed around a cabin and surrounding countryside.

I tell you what, she’s a mature 12 year old !

Two kids, trying to survive, find a cabin in the woods and take refuge, only for him not to be thaT nice. It’s Seems a well worn path  for scripts, but I suppose it can always work.

Trumpists - I couldn’t get the image of a band of folk playing the trumpet out of my head!

Some nice writing on display but I think I would get to the cabin faster, stay longer and make this scene the main driver with more tension and conflict

All the best

Top notch writing. Great tone. The pacing is excellent. The visuals are rich. It's cinematic. The characters are well developed.

The story is good. It could be great, except your foreshadowing lessened the impact of the ending. The smile and promise of food when they see what you clearly described as a light (as in human activity) gives away the cannibalism. Without that, the "Like California" twist would have had a much bigger impact.

Otherwise, sure I've seen similar fare before, but the telling is good enough to overlook it. I enjoyed it. I'd drop any reference to Hansel and Gretel, that might have inspired you but it isn't evident and doesn't really apply anyway. This can stand on its own merit.

The fox is your one budget hit. Everything else can be done fairly cheaply, but the fox would be a problem.

Well done!

I read this all and then went back and read the reviews.  Almost everyone comments on how well this is written, how visual it is, etc.  Maybe I read a different version, because I don't agree at all.  I'm not saying the writing is bad or terrible, but it ain't great.

Slugs are an issue throughout - not so much as in how they're written, but how you've set this up.  For instance -  Opening Slug is EXT. WASTELAND - DAY.  Next Slug is EXT. WASTELAND - EVENING, and the 3rd Slug is EXT. WASTELAND - MORNING.  Look how each scene ends/transitions into the next one, and picture this in a filmed version.  Doesn't work for me this way at all.

Then, your next Slug shouldn't have WASTELAND in it at all.  On Page 3, you have EXT MOUNTAIN PASS - DAY, which really should be the same as the preceding Slug, meaning, there's no need for this Slug. Then we have the same Slug again, only this time, the time element is MOMENTS LATER.  Then we get MOUNTAIN OPENING, which isn't right.  The next scene - EXT. LOG CABIN - CONTINUOUS is not actually continuous at all.  Your final Slug has a period between the subject and time element.

You have CONTINUED on the bottoms of Pages 2,3, and 4 for some reason.

The 2 kids do not sound or act like kids...at all.  I think it's a mistake to use these ages.  Hell, I highly doubt a 12 year old girl could even open a bear trap.  A 10 year old losing his arm in said bear trap, and hours later, he's just fine and fine enough to shoot a weapon he's most likely never seen, and pulls it off perfectly.

Maybe the problem I have here is that I've seen these stories so many times, and there's really so little here that's new or unique.  I don't see any future shock at all.  It doesn't seem to be set in the near future.  And, although there is an element of horror here, there are zero scares.

It's just not for me and I don't see it meeting the parameters of the challenge.

**

Hey I like it.
Simple and to the point.

good characterizations and all. And the images were very vivid to me.

Yes, very much Hansel and Gretel, nice.

Does it answer the criteria - I don't think so. Wasn't it supposed to be around a future gadget, invention or whatever? I don't know, I've read a few that don't have it.

Well, I don't know what to say then. It's like you had this short before. Then again, probably you didn't. But there's a requirement to anwer and this doesn't in my opinion.