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This is a weird script, and I enjoyed it. It kind of reminded me of Requiem For A Dream (especially at the end) and it was just a crazy script.
There were some grammar mistakes, and there was one piece of dialogue...that wasn't dialogue...that you shouldn't have. It's when Martin is talking to Tommy, and there's one moment when he doesn't say anything, and you have it as: MARTIN: -----
When it could be: Martin doesn't say anything.
But other than that, it was a good script, with good writing.
Story I liked the story, it kept me interested to the end. There were a lot of suspense in this piece, especially during the phone call between Martin and himself. I also didn't expect Martin was hallucinating all the time. However, it's either I am missing something or there are major plot holes. How can Martin record his own message? Why did the caller tell Martin to kill Mr. Miles (himself?!) but he ends up trying to kill Kevin? You might want to show Martin hating his job or something beforehand if Martin is to kill Kevin. And what is the significance of the phone booth scene? That Martin can record the message from the caller? I assumed it's a red herring. I didn't like the ending that much. Having Tom suffering the same thing as Martin is a bit too much.
Characters Characters are somewhat believable. I am empathetic for Martin. But why didn't Martin call the police right away after he "heard" the caller's message? He called the police last time without solid evidence, and he didn't call when he HAD solid evidence. This seems a bit out of character. But I guess if Martin called then the ending will change completely.
Dialogue The dialogue between Martin and the officers is expository. Tom and the detective might be a bit on the nose. But overall it's okay.
Writing There are some information that are told rather than shown. For example, "A beautiful Saturday morning." Audiences will not know that unless you showed a calendar or something. But I don't think you need that line at all as the story can be told during weekend or weekday. Another one is: "The house is very average". What do you mean by average? I liked your writing style, it is very concise.
Overall, this is a very solid entry and you used the mandatory line very nicely.
FEATURE:
Memwipe - Sci-Fi, Action, Thriller (114 pages) - In a world where memories can be erased by request, a Memory Erasing Specialist desperately searches for the culprit when his wife becomes a target for erasure -- with his former colleagues hot on his trail.
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