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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    July 08 One Week Challenge  ›  Love Letters
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Sandra Elstree.
Posted: August 13th, 2008, 1:30am Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


What if the Hokey Pokey, IS what it's all about?

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This one has that "sweet revenge" feeling.

Maybe some see it coming-- others do not, it doesn't really matter.
The premise is that the lady in the story has been pushed over the edge.

Regarding her apron, I still know women who wear aprons.
I had a good friend who used to wear an apron in the kitchen;
so don't worry. Ladies still do wear aprons in their kitchens.

Sandra



A known mistake is better than an unknown truth.
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Higgonaitor
Posted: August 15th, 2008, 6:22pm Report to Moderator
Been Around



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Sorry this is so late, I've just now gotten the time to sit down and read these.

A pretty solid script with an ending line that just scores.

My only suggestion would be to somehow find a way to make the "pretty girl" at the end someone we've already met.  It works right now, with it being Billy Bob, but it would really just tighten things up if it was someone we met earlier.

Great Job!

-Tyler


NEW!Everquenching Lemonade:Thirsty for a comedy short?
And the Rest!

Watch Squirt! (My web-series!)
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