All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Homecoming by Warren Duncan (Warren) writing as Anon - Short, Drama - A woman visits her childhood home so that she can finally put her traumatic past behind her. - pdf format
Uh, don't pop the bubbly just yet, mister, or ma'am.
Well OK, I'm finding it hard to critique this. Not much wrong with it. You handled the flashbacks rather nicely. Lovely story, I think you may have hit it out the ballpark. So forgive me for the lame ass feedback. One of my favs. Best of Irish luck! -A
Okay, I think I'll come back and read this again, cause all the pre-laps and flashbacks are taking me out of the story.
You went above character count too - I don't think you needed the Driver, did you? Just have her get in the car and it drive off would do it. Husband doesn't have a speaking role, so technically that's okay.
It's a good premise but I'm just not as emotionally invested as I think I could be. Hit and miss for me but I think this is down to preferred structure.
I think Fran is an effectively nasty character. Her comments to Jolene are devastating.
I confess that I don't know what a Pre-lap is.
The speech that Jolene gives to her mother at the end is clear, but I feel like it could use a little more zing--something more piercing. Maybe she could tell her mom that Jackson would have deserted her too. Something like that.
I think Fran is an effectively nasty character. Her comments to Jolene are devastating.
I confess that I don't know what a Pre-lap is.
The speech that Jolene gives to her mother at the end is clear, but I feel like it could use a little more zing--something more piercing. Maybe she could tell her mom that Jackson would have deserted her too. Something like that.
Prelap Screenwriting term Prelap is a screenwriting term that means the dialogue from the next scene precedes the cut, and the beginning of the dialogue is heard in the outgoing scene. As an example: ADRIAN (V.O., PRELAP) Peter? Peter, where are you? EXT. THE WOODS – DAY Adrian is out looking for Peter.
Last one for me... and, wow... the last couple of scripts have been my favorites, this one included.
This was well done and quite emotional. Not much to say except, "Good job."
PaulKWrites.com
60 Feet Under - Low budget, contained thriller/Feature The Hand of God - Low budget, semi-contained thriller/Feature Wait Till Next Year - Disney-style family sports comedy/Feature
Many shorts available for production: comedy, thriller, drama, light horror