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Sort of figured what this was from the off for some reason, and the second one I've read that's more in the comedy zone than drama really and they are not even remotely estranged.
You don't technically reveal the third variable until the last page, but I struggle to believe that it wouldn't have been visible given you describe hit as 'huge'... but hey, camera angles and darkness...
There's no estrangement, and I don't understand why Miller was so angry with Cooper if the reveal is... what it is... if that makes sense. This is my last read after 10 so maybe I'm getting punchy. I did like the flow of their back and forth, but it seems like it was a struggle to make it all fit within the parameters of this challenge - something I can relate with! lol
I very much appreciate that this didn't end the way I thought it was going too so kudos for that.
Biggest issue here is that these guys aren't estranged, I think you really missed the mark on that one.
This is also another that is listed as drama but plays out like a comedy. Just because it starts in what feels like a dramatic situation doesn't mean it's drama if the payoff is comical.
Arguably the cops are newly estranged - again, interpreting "estrangement" to mean any kind of deep division of two people, not necessarily geographic estrangement - over their dispute of handling the death.
A nice cute little ending that was kind of able to predict with the first THUMP
This one came close, but didn't quite get there for me. I mean, I could tell there was going to be some misdirection. And, I kept trying to guess what it was. Not sure what it was that telegraphed it.
Still, I thought the writing was good. And, the short was fun.
Oh, and I'll be coming back here after the challenge is over. Please explain the Hawkeye joke. I'm obviously not bright enough to figure it out on my own.
PaulKWrites.com
60 Feet Under - Low budget, contained thriller/Feature The Hand of God - Low budget, semi-contained thriller/Feature Wait Till Next Year - Disney-style family sports comedy/Feature
Many shorts available for production: comedy, thriller, drama, light horror
Very nicely written, v.nice dialogue, and an unexpected (for me, at least) outcome and turn of events. Not sure these guys are estranged in the true sense. But... Great job!
Well written and decent banter but too light in the estrangement requisite. It would've met the mark if they talked about being partners for years and making it more an emotional struggle. Kind of a break up after this event.
Should ticked the dramedy genre too. That would've been fitting.
Low budget except for the deer. It can be done but no one likes to work with animals.
Okay, Paul, since you asked about Hawkeye (all the clues were there). The alias J.F. Cooper (James Fenimore Cooper) wrote the Deerslayer and the main character was Hawkeye.
I knew there was something there! I just lacked the proper education to get it.
Thanks for the explanation. I thought about that longer than I should have, trying to figure it out, as I was certain you chose Hawkeye for a very specific reason.
I can sleep now. Thank you.
PaulKWrites.com
60 Feet Under - Low budget, contained thriller/Feature The Hand of God - Low budget, semi-contained thriller/Feature Wait Till Next Year - Disney-style family sports comedy/Feature
Many shorts available for production: comedy, thriller, drama, light horror