Brock McCray by Your Mom - Confessed murderer Brock McCray has a real problem on his hands - Everybody in prison thinks he's racist.  Short, Comedy, Mockumentary

SPOILERS:





TV NEWS ANNOUNCER
Tonight, we're learning more
gruesome details involving racist
inmate Brock McCray who already
killed a black family, and well, it
appears the racist degenerate has
struck again - this time murdering
a Jewish documentary filmmaker
during a sit-down interview.


This is what made it for me.
Made me laugh out loud.

It took a bit of time getting there and not all the dialogue landed for me, perhaps a bit too subtle, but...
A really good job!

LMAO,

I finally found someone more twisted than I, but this IS funny. I don't KNOW if it'll offend people, once they see where you went with it, but once you're there it's a funny ride. Well, done YOUR MOM.

I thought this one was topical. Seems like everything is racist these days. Everything someone says or does could be called racist.

I only have two suggestions. The beginning half felt more like a regular TV show or film. Maybe start with some images and the narrator so we know from the get-go what this is.

Also, instead of killing a Jewish man, perhaps pick someone who turns out to be a closet white supremacist and then gets to feel the hate from those guys in prison instead.

Good job!  

The subject matter is contemporary and sensitive as well. But it did not bother me while reading as such.

Having said that, the story is handled nicely throughout but it somehow felt aloof. I don't know why. Maybe that was the intention.

Anyways, good luck.

This has a concrete to the point story.

I wish you let us in from the very beginning. Otherwise for a good half of it the script goes about Brock walking through the jail. We learn what ppl think about him very late. It would be a much more effortless read if I knew the question that story poses from the very beginning.
Then the kill.
Then the antisemitism. So that everything is distributed evenly.

It cracked me up when I saw the replacement narrator.

Great job here. Really really good.

Hmm, this is really well written and raised a smile or two, and nails mocumentary tone too.

But it's the second one I've read that I think could be misconstrued, maybe there's some other way to demonstrate that Brock is just a killer... Pia's idea could work.

Good effort.

Thought it was an interesting solution to have Brock take out the interviewer to prove he's not a racist, only to then get tagged with being anti-Semitic.  I think maybe the racist joke setup took a little long, compared with how quickly he got pegged as anti-Jew, but other that, I thought it was a quick and breezy read, a bit fun and had the nice surprise element to it.  Good job here.

Ha! This one is pretty funny!

Besides a few minor mistakes, a missing period on page 4, the writing is pretty good. This moved at a good pace and made me laugh a few times. My kinda script.

Not much else to add. I really enjoyed this one. Great work.

Ha! Good one. It would've felt more mockumentary if there was an interview with Pork and Chop instead of just showing the interaction. Regardless, very funny and it met the challenge, for sure.

Good work, writer

There was a few pages that didn't feel particularly mockumentary-ish for me, but I wouldn't mark it down for that as I still enjoyed it. Nice twist with an extra twist at the end too. Well done.

Good luck.

Hi writer,

Another great short! I could really picture those Bro-hugs, funny stuff!

You guys are nailing this challenge!

Going to be tough picking a Writer's Choice.

All the best.

Funny concept and really good writing on display here. Replacement narrator...LOL.

Easy read, thoroughly entertaining. Great effort. Nice job writer!

Very short, but very effective, I will say. A lot of grammatical issues for the page length, but I will say that it was pretty damned funny, overall. In my top 2, I think.

I'll take second. Brock McCray page is up on my site, with its' equally goofy soundtrack. I finally get to thank everyone for their feedback on this, so thank you! I enjoyed reading the other scripts, and in fact, learn a lot from both writing and reading these. I was impressed with the creativity and imagination.

With Brock McCray, the cultural point of mockery is it may be more of a burden to be racist than a murderer.  It's silly and absurd, with a tiny grain of truth. My primary goal was for it to be genuinely funny and entertaining above all else. Killing the narrator weakened the mocumentary aspect but I made that sacrifice because, well, "replacement narrator" made me laugh. It also helped propel the story forward to a funnier and more absurd conclusion. 

Congrats to everyone, because it isn't easy to write a quick mocumentary!