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Cannibals do MasterChef - OWC (currently 818 views) |
Don |
Posted: August 20th, 2021, 8:33pm |
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AdministratorAdministrator So, what are you writing?
LocationVirginia Posts16417 Posts Per Day 1.93 |
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------------- You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take. - Wayne Gretzky
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LC |
Posted: August 20th, 2021, 9:20pm |
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Administrator
LocationThe Great Southern Land Posts7621 Posts Per Day 1.34 |
Eww, nice job, Ed. Your title drew me in straight away. Not much to offer by way of suggestions, except perhaps here: GREG Look, about that... the judging bit. Maybe call it the 'tasting'? PRODUCER (O.S.) We've done this already, your agent negotiated a farcically fucking substantial bonus.That line hit its target. I chuckled. It was kinda inevitable that someone was going to become an additional main course. You met the brief well. You depicted everything in glorious bad taste and gory detail, and Google* helped me with a quick lesson in who each of the contestants were. A little surprised there was no guest judge with a Jeffrey Dahmer relative? It wasn't laugh out loud funny for me, but then it didn't have to be, and this is a personal taste thing. Yep, another pun. I didn't get the Danny Green reference, but I suspect this is a 'in the know' cultural thing. Lots of typos, which obviously can be fixed, and might be down to deadline? Very good use of satire, selling out, and anything for TV ratings. Nice job. Revolting. But nice. P.S. I only wish I hadn't googled Albert Fish. |
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Revision History (1 edits) |
LC - August 21st, 2021, 7:45pm | | |
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Robert Timsah |
Posted: August 20th, 2021, 11:11pm |
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January Project Group Story Is Structure
Posts280 Posts Per Day 0.05 |
It's well done. Yes, it's obviously gross but that's the point. Maybe title could use work?? I'm a little scared to say I could see where it was going - if that matters? Well written - could feel the setting with the oohs and awes and Greg with the "Amazings". Good job. |
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Yuvraj |
Posted: August 21st, 2021, 2:37am |
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Been Around
LocationWhy you wanna know? Posts789 Posts Per Day 0.50 |
Tbf, TV reality shows are done to death (and also famous) in terms of mockumentaries and satires. So given the title, it is kind of expected that a gorefest will take place at the end. Typos are also persistent throughout.
Aside from this, a nice story with a gross-out element in it. But also predictable in hindsight as well, unfortunately.
Good luck.
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Grandma Bear |
Posted: August 21st, 2021, 3:31pm |
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Administrator
LocationThe Swamp... Posts7961 Posts Per Day 1.35 |
I liked this one until the end. It kind of got out of hand. IMO, if you had stayed with the tone prior, it would probably have worked out better. Maybe have Greg actually trying some of the food. First gagging and we're convinced he will puke, but then he surprises us by actually liking it. Lots of typos. I'm pretty sure you meant Hippie and not Hippy. Good job! |
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AnthonyCawood |
Posted: August 21st, 2021, 5:25pm |
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January Project Group
LocationUK Posts4321 Posts Per Day 1.13 |
A fair few typos but didn't detract and I liked the idea, despite hating Master Chef with a passion Raised a few smiles and like the social commentary bit, Mrs C is a big fan of serial killer docs so think I got most of the references. Good effort. |
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JEStaats |
Posted: August 22nd, 2021, 4:23pm |
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Old Timer No sh*t, there I was....
LocationTucson, AZ Posts1735 Posts Per Day 0.62 |
A good short but not (in my definition) really a mockumentary. It's just a farce of Master Chef. Entertaining but no real laugh out loud moments. Nigri confused me until I realized that you meant nigiri.
Good job, writer. |
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SAC |
Posted: August 22nd, 2021, 6:13pm |
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Of The Ancients … but some dreams do
LocationUpstate NY Posts3207 Posts Per Day 0.78 |
Writer,
This kinda reminded me of a Monty Python sketch. Absurdist humor, gross. Most of this didn’t land with me, but I didn’t hate it and I’m not sure why. I’m not sure what I was expecting here. The ending fit the rest of the story, and it was consistent throughout, so good on that. However, I guess a sketch of this nature didn’t need to have a fully fleshed out story and I think that’s what bothered me about it. It wasn’t reLly a story as much as a sketch.
Steve |
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Gary in Houston |
Posted: August 22nd, 2021, 7:09pm |
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January Project Group
LocationTexas Posts1306 Posts Per Day 0.32 |
It's not a mockumentary if we're being honest. But it's weirdly gross and both enjoyable and offputting at the same time. I kind of was expecting one thing at the end and certainly didn't expect what we got, so good job in going in that direction.
I just wish you had gone with the mockumentary route and I think you could have done some really interesting things, interviewing the contestants, Greg, etc., because I think that would have been a really solid effort. Still good job on this and best of luck with it. |
| Some of my scripts:
Bounty (TV Pilot) -- Top 1% of discoverable screenplays on Coverfly I'll Be Seeing You (short) - OWC winner The Gambler (short) - OWC winner Skip (short) - filmed Country Road 12 (short) - filmed The Family Man (short) - filmed The Journeyers (feature) - optioned
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Pleb |
Posted: August 24th, 2021, 12:04pm |
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LocationUK Posts444 Posts Per Day 0.15 |
Fist off, that definitely didn't didn't feel like a mockumentary to me. Having said that the writing was clean and crisp, albeit with a handful of typos.
No real laugh out loud moments for me, but I read it with a smile on my face.
Ending was a bit of a let down for me. Actually found the idea of him having to eat what they made more interesting.
Good luck. |
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mmmarnie |
Posted: August 24th, 2021, 10:18pm |
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January Project Group
Posts1085 Posts Per Day 0.22 |
Hmmmm...wonder how you become one of the World's leading cannibals. LOL.
So this was more of a spoof on Master Chef than a mockumentary. Not a mockumentary at all, actually. But it was entertaining...and gory. I think you give away too much in your title. We go in pretty much knowing what's going to happen in terms of it ending up a cannabalistic gorefest.
The writing was very good. A very easy read. And there were some funny lines scattered throughout. Just missed the mockumentary vibe for me. |
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Warren |
Posted: August 24th, 2021, 10:30pm |
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Of The Ancients A man who has taught his mind to misbehave
LocationSydney, Australia Posts3897 Posts Per Day 1.35 |
Hi writer,
This isn't a mockumentory, it's just a short about a tv show. The were a few bits of good humour but for the most part this didn't quite land for me.
I also found some of the dialogue a little unnatural.
That ending was full on!
Congrats on getting an entry in.
All the best. |
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Zack |
Posted: August 26th, 2021, 12:06pm |
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January Project Group
LocationErlanger, KY Posts4497 Posts Per Day 0.69 |
Hmm. This one is pretty messy. A few typos and some of the dialog just seems... off. More of a Cooking Show than a Mockumentary. Humor is hit and miss, but I did get a few chuckles. Especially at the ending. A good rewrite or two and this will be a pretty good script. Good effort. |
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khamanna |
Posted: August 26th, 2021, 8:58pm |
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January Project Group
Posts4195 Posts Per Day 0.79 |
Oh, a cooking show with the contestants making all kinds of gross things.
This one is the only one in a bunch that I wouldn't call a rockumentary.
It's fun for what it is, had humorous moments.
Ninjato lol.
Reads like a sketch, not rich on the story, which is fine. |
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Mr. Blonde |
Posted: August 26th, 2021, 10:46pm |
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AdministratorWhat good are choices if they're all bad?
LocationNowhere special. Posts3064 Posts Per Day 0.57 |
The satire of the dialogue isn't refined enough. You can see the twist coming a mile away, which sort of diminishes the twist, unfortunately. The dialogue in the middle pages was the best. Yeah, act 2 was the best. If you could bottle that and sprinkle it over acts 1 and 3, you've got a winner. Reminded me a lot of the "Tales From the Crypt" episode, "Television Terror". The satire and darkness needs to be turned up a hell of a lot, but you're on the right track. Honestly, not a whole lot in the way of a Mockumentary, though. |
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AnthonyCawood |
Posted: January 7th, 2023, 11:39am |
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January Project Group
LocationUK Posts4321 Posts Per Day 1.13 |
Cannibals do Masterchef has just been optioned by an Italian director (working in London)... fingers crossed they can get the funding in place to move it forward. |
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Pleb |
Posted: January 7th, 2023, 2:03pm |
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LocationUK Posts444 Posts Per Day 0.15 |
Congratulations Anthony!
Always good to see work getting picked up off here. Wasn’t that owc a while back too?
Cheers
Max
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PKCardinal |
Posted: January 8th, 2023, 1:41pm |
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January Project Group
LocationKansas Posts1447 Posts Per Day 0.63 |
Congrats! Looking forward to seeing it in all its glory! |
| PaulKWrites.com
60 Feet Under - Low budget, contained thriller/Feature The Hand of God - Low budget, semi-contained thriller/Feature Wait Till Next Year - Disney-style family sports comedy/Feature
Many shorts available for production: comedy, thriller, drama, light horror |
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AnthonyCawood |
Posted: January 11th, 2023, 5:00am |
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January Project Group
LocationUK Posts4321 Posts Per Day 1.13 |
Thanks Max, Paul, fingers crossed... And yep was an OWC entry a while back. |
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Matthew Taylor |
Posted: January 11th, 2023, 5:06am |
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January Project Group
LocationShakespeare's county Posts1770 Posts Per Day 0.88 |
Nice one Anthony, love to see it! |
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42.2
Two steps to writing a good screenplay: 1) Write a bad one 2) Fix it |
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Warren |
Posted: January 11th, 2023, 6:45pm |
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Of The Ancients A man who has taught his mind to misbehave
LocationSydney, Australia Posts3897 Posts Per Day 1.35 |
Congrats on another one, mate! |
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AnthonyCawood |
Posted: January 11th, 2023, 8:01pm |
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January Project Group
LocationUK Posts4321 Posts Per Day 1.13 |
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