Thanks to everyone that threw an entry into this challenge. Comedy is hard and most of you really nailed it and the mockumentary genre in general.

Drumroll, please...


Writers' Choice:

3.45 Terrapin Station by Marnie Mitchell (mmmarnie) writing as Leonardo Donatello


Writers' Liked:

3.36 Brock McCray by Robert Timsah (btimsah) writing as Your Mom

3.27 Thrilled To Kill by P. Cook (Grandma Bear) writing as Sick Bastard


And the rest in (in no particular order):

Cornament of Champions by John E. Staats (JEStaats) Kettle Corn & a pint of Bud Light

Brock McCray by Your Mom

Race Wars by Max Ruddock and Pete Best (Max Ruddock) writing as Dave & Lionel

Cannibals do MasterChef by Anthony Cawood (AnthonyCawood) writing as Ed Gein

Channel 57 by Gary Howell (Gary in Houston) writing as Dick Hartley

P.D. by Yuvraj Rajwanshi (Yuvraj) writing as Doesn't Matter

Orientation by Zack Akers and Sean Chipman (Zack and Mr. Blonde) writing as Azriel Levy & Harold Cohen

Congrats on Writers' Choice, Marnie, was an excellent script and well-deserving of the top spot!

And congrats to Robert and Pia for nipping at her heels.

And to the rest who really brought their A-game!

Quoted from Warren Congrats on Writers' Choice, Marnie, was an excellent script and well-deserving of the top spot! And congrats to Robert and Pia for nipping at her heels. And to the rest who really brought their A-game!

Congratulations, Marnie for Terrapin Station. Good job. Tough challenge, but I enjoyed reading them.

Congrats, Marnie! Not bad for a self-professed dodgy entry.  

Pia, I can pick yours now from a 'tell' in your writing.
Great work!

So many entries I loved this go around.
Channel 57 (Gary) really tickled my funny bone, as did John's Cornament of Champions.
Race Wars received an Excellent from me too.

Ooh, and you sly dogs, Blondie. And Zack.
A really inventive entry.

Congratulations Marnie!!!!

I had Terrapin pegged by either you or Gary. I know you come down here every once in awhile and I knew Gary was just down here. I also knew it had to be written by someone not too young. It was my favorite in this OWC.  

Mine? Should be read as deadpan and probably more liked by people who like drier humor over typical American humor.

Libby, do tell, what is my tell?

Warren, thanks for making a challenge that made me take part. It's been a while.  

Quoted from Grandma Bear Congratulations Marnie!!!!Libby, do tell, what is my tell?

Sex and violence. The only reason I didn't pick you for Thrilled To Kill was because it seemed too... you, so I thought it was a red herring. Lol.

Big congrats to everyone for taking part and to Marnie, Robert and Pia for landing on the podium. Then, a shout to Warren for hosting and Don for running. Great work by all those involved. =)

Nice challenge and crazy fun scripts!

Congrats Marnie, Pia and Robert! And everyone else who actually wrote and submitted. You guys are good

Wow! That's surprising. Really though I ended up in the middle somewhere. Thanks you guys! And congrats Pia and Robert! This was a great challenge and I can honestly say I liked every script.

Thanks again Warren and Don. Hope we have more during the week cus I miss out the weekend challenges cus of my work schedule.

So yeah, Pia...I lived in Fla for like 7 years and now my mom does. She just moved into one of those 55+ communities and these people are always up in each other's business and feuding. And...there is an endangered turtle right across from my moms house. Lol. They have an enclosure for it, but it can get out and she sees it walking on the sidewalk sometimes.

PM'd you Marnie.

And Pia... If I told the world your 'tell' they'd all know.  

Quoted from Grandma Bear Congratulations Marnie!!!! Warren, thanks for making a challenge that made me take part. It's been a while.

No problem, great to have you back in the mix.

Quoted from mmmarnie Thanks again Warren and Don. Hope we have more during the week cus I miss out the weekend challenges cus of my work schedule.

Glad you enjoyed it, even sweeter to come out on top.

Quoted from Mr. Blonde Then, a shout to Warren for hosting and Don for running. Great work by all those involved. =)

Thanks, Sean. Was nice to get my hands dirty.

Marnie, congrats!  I really liked your entry and was my highest rated as I recall, so good for you!  Also, like your new profile pic (at least it looks new to me)!

Warren, great challenge -- really made the wheels turn a lot.  Need more of those types of challenges!

Congrats to Marnie! And to everyone as well! Amazing scripts!

Big congrats to you, Marnie! A well-deserved victory.

And to Pia and Robert as well.

Thanks for the fun challenge, Don and Warren. This was a fun one.

I, Max Ruddock, greatest movie screenplay writing person ever, who writes the most beautiful screenplays, they're just perfect, the best, demands a recount. I have it on authority that the votes were counted using Dominion machines. Made in Chyna! CHYNA! The mainstream media wouldn't want you knowing that. But it's true. Somebody told me. So it's bigly true.

But, with that in mind, I don't want to come across as a sore loser. I'm not. I'm actually the best loser ever. The experts have all told me that. So well done Marnie for the win. It's very deserved. Also well done to Pia and Robert too.

And well done to everyone who took part. Especially me.

FFS what did I just write???

I read an article that mentioned Trump before writing that and couldn't get his voice out of my head. Would love to see a OWC on politics or something like that. Anything Trumpish is comedy gold as far as I'm concerned.

Oh and I almost forgot, massive thanks to Warren and Don for running it!

I've not done particularly well in any of them so far but love taking part and know that if these things weren't going on, more often than not I wouldn't be writing at all, so thanks guys for getting me to actually do something.

Way to go partner! My fave by a mile, loved it!

Well done to everyone who got one in too, and thanks for the great challenge Warren, really stretched us all.

No problem, glad you all enjoyed it!

Thanks, Ant!!

Congrats, Marnie! I had Terrapin Station on top - Loved it. Big shout out to Robert and Pia, too. Great work.

I'll admit, I feel a bit cornholed. I really had my hopes up but, dammit, everyone brought their game on this challenge. Son of a bitch....

Quoted from JEStaats Congrats, Marnie! I had Terrapin Station on top - Loved it. Big shout out to Robert and Pia, too. Great work. I'll admit, I feel a bit cornholed. I really had my hopes up but, dammit, everyone brought their game on this challenge. Son of a bitch....

If it’s any consolation, I loved the cornhole script! But, didn’t enter so didn’t vote.

Quoted from JEStaats Congrats, Marnie! I had Terrapin Station on top - Loved it. Big shout out to Robert and Pia, too. Great work. I'll admit, I feel a bit cornholed. I really had my hopes up but, dammit, everyone brought their game on this challenge. Son of a bitch....

I thought it was top Cornhole

I'm writing this here instead of in. its own thread so it won't get overlooked.

I'm going to rewrite my script Thrilled to Kill. I wrote it with my sense of humor/humour, which is a dry Swedish/British type, and comedy is subjective, so no need to tell me the jokes fell flat. What I am looking for is suggestions on making the story better. Or anything else for that matter. Like the docu style. I have never seen The Office, so if that's the only reference to mockumentaries, it's not going to work. Some people wanted a different ending. Suggestions?

I also wrote it with ease of production in mind, in case I end up filming it myself. Or anyone else for that matter.

If anyone has any thoughts on how to improve the script, please let me know.  

https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-0821/m-1629509677/

Quoted from Grandma Bear I'm writing this here instead of in. its own thread so it won't get overlooked. I'm going to rewrite my script Thrilled to Kill. I wrote it with my sense of humor/humour, which is a dry Swedish/British type, and comedy is subjective, so no need to tell me the jokes fell flat. What I am looking for is suggestions on making the story better. Or anything else for that matter. Like the docu style. I have never seen The Office, so if that's the only reference to mockumentaries, it's not going to work. Some people wanted a different ending. Suggestions? I also wrote it with ease of production in mind, in case I end up filming it myself. Or anyone else for that matter. If anyone has any thoughts on how to improve the script, please let me know.   https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-0821/m-1629509677/

I think masks might be funny...instead of blurred out.

Do you mean Covid masks, Marnie, or scary camouflage masks?
Either could be good.

The strongest bit for me comedy-wise, Pia, is when they bungled their first kill. I'd capitalise on the physical comedy there. Oh, and Karen being in charge and the brains of the operation. Brad being not so bright.

Karen watches her from behind a column.
She pushes a button
on her phone.The woman’s phone rings.

Perhaps (given the target here is known) mention something about their gullible followers, or how they track their chosen victims.

Might be funnier if instead of this:

Brad stifles another squeal, puts his hands in his lap to
hide the bulge in his pants.

- Brad gets amorous with Karen maybe? (and the Interviewers become more and more uncomfortable).
Perhaps an additional comment on how much their extra-curricular activities have spiced things up in the bedroom? Maybe they were in a rut? Maybe Lockdown was driving them crazy and restrictions were eased so they could exercise? Euphemism, obviously.

This was another line that cracked me up. Doing their bit for the planet.  

One less human without leaving a big carbon
footprint.
One less carbon footprint might suffice?

Instead of the Narrator maybe go with two young and naive Doco or Podcast guys, perhaps?
And, I like Zack's idea - bring it back to the Interviewing duo looking decidedly uncomfortable by the end.

I'm on the fence about the cooking & Hollywood angle.

Jmho.

Quoted from Grandma Bear I'm writing this here instead of in. its own thread so it won't get overlooked. I'm going to rewrite my script Thrilled to Kill. I wrote it with my sense of humor/humour, which is a dry Swedish/British type, and comedy is subjective, so no need to tell me the jokes fell flat. What I am looking for is suggestions on making the story better. Or anything else for that matter. Like the docu style. I have never seen The Office, so if that's the only reference to mockumentaries, it's not going to work. Some people wanted a different ending. Suggestions? I also wrote it with ease of production in mind, in case I end up filming it myself. Or anyone else for that matter. If anyone has any thoughts on how to improve the script, please let me know.   https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-0821/m-1629509677/

Hmm..

The couple describes their process of torture to the narrator, and show him/her the setup.

They trick narrator into a torture chair, and the torture begins -

but to their surprise narrator gets off on being tortured and is a huge fan of theirs. (they were known, right?)

This then turns the couple OFF of the entire thing. Bloody hell, he's enjoying it!

Now we're at a standstill. LOL

The dialogue gets rather absurd at that point - torture me dammit! Kill me slowly, painfully, omg savor it, is that my left buttock? The more commands the narrator gives, the more uncomfortable they get lol - Rip off my toenail - slowly!

The more the narrator gets off on it, the more repulsed the couple gets.

Like you said, humor is subjective but it's all in the setup of the world - if you buy into it, the reader will. imo