Conception by Anthony Cawood (AnthonyCawood) writing as Luis Cyphyre - Short, Horror - The start of the end of the world is filmed for posterity. 3 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Ha. Nicely done. I imagine it would take quite a bit of CGI, but as a story, it works great.

Okay, so that was different and a bit squishy!

Needs some tidying up and some typo catching.

But I like the alternate take on the challenge, and how short it is

Ok, that was clever. Very well written.

Very creative conception (If you will ignore the punt lol) on the challenge, I'm impressed.

To begin with, I was a little on the fence as to whether it was a legitimate found footage piece given there is some dialogue before little evil has started recording but that's being very nit-picky. This works, and it's a short fun read. And hideously gooey, in a good way.

Satan's evil reptilian spunk is particular funny.

Definitely a contender.

Well done.

I've read many stories about evil. This is the first one that I really like. And the fact they were competing for control of the egg and by extension for control of society. Evil is as evil does. I'm not so sure there was any found footage to speak of. Keep that in mind if you enter another OWC.
You have loads of talent. Keep it up.

So creative and to think you even made it so short. I'm totally impressed. Well done.

These keep getting weirder and weirder...

Did Don put them in this order on purpose?

I get what you're going for with this, but it's just kind of strange and... well... just strange.

Thanks for the read?

-Jordan

Ahoy writer,

Hmm, a bit of physical comedy I see. Sounds like she was faking it.

I didn't suffer major allergies reading this,  it was cute. Secondly, this could work well as an animated short/comedy, but methinks it would definitely need some slapstick to make it funnier. Custard pies blinding a traffic cop who waves his arms frantically. Midgets on tricycles chased by clowns with honking horns. A mime being flattened by a 18-wheeler and miming his injuries to paramedics. Comic gold.

But as far as the challenge -I'm iffy on whether it meets the parameters set forth.  OK, read it again. I guess it works. Best of Irish luck! -A

This was certainly a creative way to go about this challenge.

The story was short, but it works well enough. Has a touch of comedy in there as well.

I think this would be worth expanding a bit on afterward, could make for a decent short film.



Good work.

Right!

Yours or hers?

Pretty funny, that line.  

Not exactly as I imagine Found Footage but if you were to put the end at the top it would ruin the puncline and reveal.

Inventive for sure (kind of like Innerspace for the devil) and disturbing.
Not convinced the humour would translate to film as is, but it's Horror not Black Comedy.

I don't know... Maybe some more humour would elevate this to make it a crowd pleaser. After all, the Devil having a sense of humour is not unheard of. Perhaps not to the extent Andrea suggests though...

Shades of "Rosemary's Baby."  A very clever manipulation of the idea of the devil's child.

I like the story idea very much, but would the audience understand the surgical process because they wouldn't have the guideposts that we do: HUMAN WOMB, FALLOPIAN TUBE. It might be just a lot of wet squishy pink.  

So, the writer might consider addressing that issue with more of their clever and sarcastic dialogue  to guide the process carefully moving through and clarifying these areas.

Very well done!

Well, that was creative! Nothing more to add. You knocked it out of the park, writer! Disturbing and funny.

Fantastic work!

Not sure how much I like this story, but man, it punctured a hole in my imaginary mind.
The image of the bloody steam with those "swimmers' and their predatory descriptions were classic.
Your story got me thinking about baby tiger sharks: "...as the sharks develop their embryonic teeth, they start to eat the other embryos, killing their unborn brothers and sisters, as well as the unfertilized eggs."  — How Stuff Works.
Nice ending.

Hi writer,

Luis Cyphyre – Lou Cyphyre – Lucifer. I remember DeNiro’s character in Angel Heart being of the same name, clever take. One of my all time fav movies actually.

So, yeah…  weird and wild stuff, man. It reminded me of the 1996 popular science book by evolutionary biologist Robin Baker: Sperm Wars… seriously, lol. Basically, Baker proposes evolutionary functions for sexual habits, mostly on the principle of competition between sperm of different male species for a prized egg.

That being said, I would imagine Lucifer would have an evil army of 'boys’, when unleashed, to stave off even the most ardent of seed from some other potential suitor.

Shit, now thinking The Babadook is lurking somewhere in the background of this narrative. Anyway, different from the norm, and that’s usually what people are looking for; so, bang on. Best of luck.