Good job. Loved the twist (more like a slow reveal). The banter was fairly natural and felt real. A bit of clean up and it'll make for a fun short film.

Met all the OWC requirements - no complaints.

Nicely done, writer!

Hi,

I liked the story and the tension builds slowly, the back and forth is ok but seems a bit stilted at times, sparkling at others.

What I don't understand is why a couple would suddenly turn to homicide as a birthday present, although truth be told I didn't guess that would be the ending, it took me by surprise so well done on blind siding me with that one.

Well done.

I liked this one a lot. The quirky awkwardness of the couple does a good job of putting the audience off balance for the twist, and even if telegraphed a bit the twist is effective. The logic is a little questionable, but I'm not really expecting this particular couple to get away with murder, and that seems like part of the joke to me. This bored couple has found an exciting new hobby, and they're rubbish at it. I don't need to see how badly it goes, just watching the genesis of it is enough for me.

Well done, it works for me.

I liked it overall, nice dialog. And it's a very funny premise.
I didn't like the book reveal. Think it would be more sophisticated plot without it, the book really simplifies it and makes it sorta usual.
Maybe Mike (or was it Mark - I read it a while ago) could turn up to be a woman or something. You could change the name to something that could belong to both man and woman, like Frankie. And the person turns out to be Franky. Just an idea, don't get mad. it's a very good script nontheles.

Very entertaining dialog in this one. Granted, I wouldn't have done the sinister twist like you did, but solid script overall.

Thanks everyone for the comments and feedback.

I wrote this in an hour or two after I read the challenged and yes, as LC noticed, the "twist" wasn't planned. Hopefully if I had been bothered to do a rewrite it wouldn't have been to transparent :p

A cinematographer has (very vaguely) optioned this for his first directorial short. Thanks Michael for the front page shoutout! And to Shootin the Shorts on SR

Congratulations, Ben.

Quoted from AlsoBen A cinematographer has (very vaguely) optioned this for his first directorial short. Thanks Michael for the front page shoutout! And to Shootin the Shorts on SR

That's awesome! Though I'm not sure what you mean by "vaguely" lol...

Nice work, Ben, it was a fine script, really enjoyed it.

-- Michael

“Vaguely” - He wants me to rewrite it for a British audience first (?). So it’s not an option yet, and he has no procured shorts under his belt (I think he’s been a DP on commercials before)