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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    September, 2020 One Week Challenge  ›  A Very Bad Date - OWC Moderators: LC
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  Author    A Very Bad Date - OWC  (currently 1099 views)
Geezis
Posted: September 24th, 2020, 6:46am Report to Moderator
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Hi,

Nice interplay between David and Emma but the story confuses me.
If David was in such a hurry he could get his pants off over his trousers, how long did he take to brush his teeth that would allow a murderer to break in, kill the secretary and steal his clothes?
Had David killed her during sex and then been discovered by Emma the dynamics of the story would change and this would be a tight little thriller but to be honest I'm not sure if it was comedy you were heading for.

I liked the premise however and with a few clarifications it would be a good scene.

Well done.


If at first you don't succeed........bribe someone.
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