My opinions are just that, and have been known to be wrong!

Picky bits:-
1) Not too sure I have any

Good bits:-
1) Well written with a good premise
2) Good pace

Rules
Well, the Blob isn't really a classic in the Universal sense, but it is to me, budget might not be too low

Overall this was REALLY well written, think it's my fave and it's the last and final one I had to read!

Anthony

This is very similar to the Stephen King short story 'The Raft' from the, I think, 'Skeleton Crew' collection.

It's done pretty well.

The good news...

Very clean and "professionally" written.  Only spotted 3 or 4 errors, which is great for an OWC.

Quick read and easy read.

Good characters for so little character development.

Ballsy ending, which is always appreciated by me.

The not so good news...

Style is bordering on something I can't stand...but I got through it with only 8 or 9 eye rolls, and out loud, "Oh boy's".

Overwritten for the most part, but that's obviously your style and you know exactly what I'm talking about.

The bad news...

The "bordering" part above shows through too often here.  No reason to be as "telling" as you were.  It's as if you don't trust your readers, so you're bonking us over the head again and again.

The last half page - no reason IMO that you chose to use the "we" shit numerous times.  We get it.  It's unnecessary and take me out of the harrowing scene you created.

Which leads me to a grade of...

B+

Good job!

Good job.  the bad guys get what they deserve, but Karen doesn't.  Shouldn't she be rewarded for her pluck?  That would be justice, but that's me.

I like the blob and how it works.  I would prefer some sort of setup for the blob, perhaps some chat about the empty boat found in the area a week before.  The mystery of the missing crew?  Of course, our dingbats might attribute that to aliens.  

I think you can shorten some of the dialogue.  After all, by this point, the handwriting is on the wall.

best
Richard

Ha, this one was quite funny. More horror-comedy, some gloopy, icky gore with Dirk's head around the midpoint but the tone is too light for anything to chill (obviously an intentional choice).

As far as meeting the criteria goes - nice pick with The Blob, good to see some slightly less mainstream selections alongside all the Frankenstein's Monsters, werewolves and vampires. Not sure this is low-budget, wouldn't you need CGI to properly render The Blob? Writing is slick and keeps everything zipping along, some flourishes in there (e.g. 'pink pseudopod of protoplasm') which I personally appreciate, makes me feel in good hands.

I wonder if it's a scene rather than a complete short script, feels like the backstory hasn't been filled in rather than omitted for mystery's sake, and while you could argue leaving Karen there is the more effective ending it also saves you the trouble of having to work out how she gets off the boat! Also none of the characters quite 'popped', good visual descriptions but nothing particularly memorable or distinctive about any of them. Fodder for the Blob, little more.

Overall: skilfully written, fun to read, you chose to ignore the budgetary criteria so for that reason it can't get my Writers' Choice vote (not that anyone cares), but still a good entry. nice work.

This was a really good one to me. Love the title. Like the blob and love the irony.

Wasn't sure why they were killing the girl. They obviously had done it before.

Good dialogue IMO. Not sure I love the characters but I Love the story...I guess it's normal sometimes for things to either be character driven or story driven and this one delivers enough for the pagelentgh without getting complicated.

Great job. One of my favorites so far.

One of the better ones. An unusual choice of monster. Stands out from most of the rest. Apart from mine, of course.

I quite enjoyed it. Kept my interest throughout. Much better than most. Good end too.

Impressive.

R

Very well written - quite visual and fast paced. My only complaint was Karen's dialogue - it seemed out of place for me.

Gee, I dunno, guys capture a girl, string her up naked, and fish?
Does she have to be naked? It just seems weird, perhaps her clothes ripped would be just as effective.

Speaking of, you certainly know your fishing, or you researched it well.

A pink pseudopod of protoplasm
There's a mouthful, almost alliteration except for the phonetic 'seu'

Another one who writes: Get this off of me' - Obviously a U.S. writer I'm guessing.

sorry sack of sea snot!
Ah, you did yourself proud with true alliteration there, effective description too.

KAREN
Did you hurt it?

I think you could do better with that line.

The blob smells it. - I'd make this a bit more abstract as in: The blob appears to get a whiff of it. Cause there's no actual nose on a blob is there, so...

I think you could have done without: It's her lucky day. Cause you keep pulling me out of the illusion/story with all this writer commentary.

Some of the writing is pretty terrific but then some lines are really corny, almost as if two writers, but I suspect it might have something to do with the OWC deadline - the consistency of quality, I mean.

So this Blob's enemy is iced water yet it belongs in the sea?
In the original Blob they froze it, didn't they, on the ice rink?

A bag of ice, from the cooler, rests near Karen’s feet.
Well that's convenient -

I think, given she's tied up it might be a better idea if she has to twist herself to reach it, almost gets it, it's just beyond her - that sort of thing - bit too easy as is. Ah, but then you really do employ that very device in the next scene regarding the keys.

It’s the logo from that stupid
wings and beer place.

Again? This commentary in the description lines is a bit annoying and it contributes to cornball and spoils the good stuff imh. Nice touch with the keys though.

But then all that and she's destined to die.
Pity our female hero didn't win in the end.

'Let me Scream for you' hmm, reminds me of Pia's avatar, which at the moment, says, 'Smile for me'.

P.S. Re your ending - I'm not a stickler for the 'we' as in: 'we can almost reach out and grab it' in your script but you've overdone it all in the final lines.

When you wrote this, below, on top of the 'we' stuff:
The anguished wails of the hopeless, as they echo across
these utterly empty, open waters. They?
And then finished with your final line... 'Ours are the only ears...' I wanted to kick you (metaphorically, of course) for ruining my immersion in your story.

Would I be impressed with the story on screen...probably not.
But one of the better stories I've read so far.

Yup, pretty sure on the writer.

Some good choices. Naked girl, been abused, two men that we want dead and a tight space. All good drama.

I'm glad she was never sitting on the creature...you would then have to write that she was on the bl....

Anyway, well handled. Your style is on balance a benefit to story telling  and flows effortlessly,but I also feel you add a little too much on occasions, but that a choice matter I suppose.

On the critical side they are clearly going to kill her, so I felt some of the choices  and dialogue as the creature arises seem off.

Ending...could work, but how do we know she won't be found? They won't be far from shore in that boat.

I wonder whether she could tell the men to fuck off in there request for screaming. You're gonna kill me anyway etc so I won't bother. But now they're going she can scream...the blob has unleashed the screams

Well done.

“KAREN: You guys are real assholes. You know that, right?”

First false note here. They just got done telling her she has no spine, now she’s calling them assholes. It also seems like a weak rebuke given the situation.

There’s a little too much talking during the attack. If a blob were trying to eat me, I’m pretty sure complete sentences would be out of the question.

I don’t believe Karen would smile in this situation either. I know she doesn’t like Charlie, but she’s next. I can’t imagine that would escape her.

This was one of the better ones, if only for the writing. I have no idea why the girl’s naked though and the ice angle seemed a little convoluted. It also has Karen saving herself through pure luck rather than her own ingenuity, though it’s definitely hard for me to see how you’d get that Blob off the boat.

The end is written as if to say she’ll die out here, and she very well may, but I could also imagine another boat happening along, so I’m not sure it would seem quite as final on screen.

Writer,

Very good use of 7 pages! This was a complete story from top to tails, was tense, funny -- if not very scary. But you had a couple gruesome deaths in there, as well as an imaginative classic monster. Yes, this did remind me of King's The Raft. And it ended up almost the same, as I recall, with oNe hopeless survivor left to presumably die. Can't say it borrowe too much or not, but you certainly could've helped your case by providing a different ending. Though I will admit the one you have does seem like a logical choice to me. Again, very good writing and storytelling here!

Steve

Dr. Reed. I liked this.  I'm not big on these types of films, short or otherwise, but I maintained interest because of how you told it. Others didn't enjoy the firrst couple of lines but I thought the serenity leading into what will be a horrific event was smooth. Their point may be that that is meant for the production side of it. I believe the writer is suppose to leave camera direction for a pre- prodction version of the script and possibly should be left for the director
    Some thoughts on the characters:  she seemed a little too calm and they didn't seem sadistic enough. The blob sounded hideous which I'm sure was the point. I do agree with some that there is too much description some places. I also would like to know more about the characters. Why is Karen there and naked?  Maybe along with the sobbing at the beginning we can listen to a  static-filled broadcast on a old radio explaining the escape of two criminals while the Coast Guard is on a seach for a missing teen.  That might be a bit cliché but you get the idea.  
     I think like most here have said, the ending was a bit of a let down. Maybe a struggle with Karen and the blob where she wins and gets regurgitated back onto the boat, the cider block still attached but far more managable for a teen and lies face down next to the ignition keys, finishing off looking at the same beginning shot with the Coast Guard boat in sight.  I would do without the nakedness and Hooters. It might ring visuals to a pervy writer and distract from an otherwise nicely written story.

The Starving Sea

Check left, upper margin, and page numbers.

It's problematic to start with that close-up on Karen and those following shots differentiating the visual situation then. We don't, at least I do not, expect that of a spec script, where story should be first.

Descriptions are good.

P5 absolute great cgi stuff

story-wise: only point that was coming to my mind, is, if Karen shouldn't try to communicate in a more hopeful manner toward the blob. Perhaps it sounds hilarious but: "Thanks blob, killing those guys, now leave it at that please"- kind of
Though, dramaturgic, your way seems to be right here. Just with regards to her situation, the blob wasn't the real party crasher, so to say.

I entirely like your script. It's amusing, entertaining. If you're interested going further with it, I'd suggest you to get to the cgi as soon as possible, to show the full quality of the production to your audience.

If it's done good and you maximize this already funny/horrible script, this could work on the streaming channels quite successful.

4-5 minutes screening would be perfect in my opinion.

How you describe and deliver story is very unique and beautiful. You risk a lot with breaking a few how-not-write-rules, which doesn't matter in your case; everything's so skillful and trustworthy presented; such as the almost fourth wall communication you perform between yourself and the reader - great. Hat off--

Thanks to all who read and commented.  Whether or not this piece worked for you, all thoughts are most appreciated.

Self-indulgent author comments and a few cherry-picked responses to follow:

The Setting:  I am surprised how few understood this.  Karen has been kidnapped, a random victim abused by these two, and now to be disposed of in the worst way imaginable.  It is the stuff of Florida urban legend, and all the more horrible in that it is probably more truth than legend.  Dirk and Charlie are every bit as monstrous as the blob.  I was trying not to be overt, but clearly I failed to adequately communicate what is really going on here.  It is a fundamental flaw that will certainly be corrected before Dena and Pia get to work.

The Ice:  This was a nod to the source material.  That is how you defeat the blob.  With cold.  A sad shake of the head to our British friends who chided me that the sea is too cold for this to work.  You guys need to get down to Florida more often.  Pia, Dena, and I will undoubtedly buy you a pint when you do.

Overwriting:  Guilty as charged.

Quoted from LC Some of the writing is pretty terrific but then some lines are really corny...

Ha!  Yep, I'm afraid it's true.  I usually let my work sit for a while so that I can filter out the worst offenders myself, but that is not an option with the OWC.  Everything gets through and you get it fairly raw.  I probably would have handled the end a bit differently, and almost certainly would have lost the Hooters comment that many thought was too much.

Quoted from Grandma Bear I also wonder how easy or hard it would be to find a very pretty teenage actress willing to be nude the whole time in a short.

A few people mentioned that.  I suspect having her in a swimsuit is fine for purposes of filming.  An easy enough fix that has little effect on the story, but for the script, I was just writing as I saw things.

Quoted from stevie This is very similar to the Stephen King short story 'The Raft'

Yeah, I agree.  I read that one years ago, and the similarities also dawned on me as I was writing this.  I remember very little about the story apart from the set-up, however.  I might go back and check it out before reworking the script.

Quoted from Dreamscale Overwritten for the most part, but that's obviously your style and you know exactly what I'm talking about.

Is that your way of telling me that you spotted my work, Jeff?  I was surprised that you finished this one, let alone gave it a passing grade.  I can only speculate that it must have been the inclusion of naked women.

Quoted from EWall433 "KAREN: You guys are real assholes. You know that, right?" False note here.

Total agreement.  I hate this line.  Of the entire piece, it is Karen's response here that I struggled with the most.  I spent days thinking on this and never come up with something better.  Still haven't.

Quoted from Vinni Maybe along with the sobbing at the beginning we can listen to a static-filled broadcast on an old radio explaining the escape of two criminals while the Coast Guard is on a search for a missing teen.

That's not bad, actually.  Or something like that.  I might just run this past Pia and Dena.

Thanks again, all.  A lot of fun, as always -- particularly since my two favorites both took top honors.  And both were Phantom scripts.  How odd.