A Gathering Of Legends by Lucy Westenra - Short, Horror - Three Internet buddies finally meet in person, only to confront an ancient evil.  - pdf, format

Pisser.

Feels cliquish, as if it cracks wise with inside jokes, winks and nods.  Didn't make it through page 3.  If I got that wrong, please let me know after Halloween and I'll take another read.

No attempt made at a serious story. It's not funny, and aimed toward an audience of only 3. I'm not one of those three, because my name isn't Jeff, Stevie or Ryan.

1 out of 10.

Yeah, just getting my comment in early to avoid bumping this later on.

I gave it 2 full, fair pages to grab me, but no.  

bert's grade:  Ungraded

A simply scripts spoof/pisser. Sorry but no.

Seemed like inside jokes I didn't get.

PROS: The dialogue about cricket while mayhem goes on the in background was pretty good.  I liked the setting of the bar.

CONS: Felt like I was missing something the entire time.  Dialogue during murder/mayhem goes on too long. You can cut the whole beginning about the plane and get right too it.

My opinions are just that, and have been known to be wrong!

Picky bits:-
1) Think it's a pisser.
2) Yes it's a pisser.
3) Legends???

Good bits:-
1) Did I mention it's a pisser

Rules
Well it's got a classic monster

Overall I thought this was well written enough, but didn't make me laugh and wasn't really in the spirit of the OWC.

Anthony

This was well written and had comedy throughout, I think if the writer hadn't mentioned  3 SS members it might have been taken more seriously.

Although as always writing comedy in the OWC gives the reader the lazy review of 'Pisser' even if it's not.

There's actually a story and a setting to this script, it could have been trimmed down but it made me laugh out loud in some parts.  As you mentioned in the script... it had a Dusk till Dawn theme going on.
The introduction of a previous OWC monster was clever and it all came together in the end.
I enjoyed it and I think if peeps looks past the fact that it includes 3 SS members, there's a pretty good short here.

Mark

The good news...

I love pissers.

Any script with myself and Stevie in it is a good start.

Lots of funny lines and even a funny premise.

I actually did LOL numerous times.

The not so good news...

I don't talk like that...at all!

Lots...and I mean lots of missing apostrophes.

Scenes not remotely broken up correctly.

The bad news...

The Bunny Man?  Again?  Really?  Mate...ah man...

Which leads me to my grade of...

B

I get a kick out of the Bunny Man scripts eh. For a Sunday night this was some laugh out loud funny sh!t.

I got a kick out of the airline snippet as well, it was like a straight in your face 'Gaslighting' technique from the mainstream media.  Even bad rhetoric is funny when you're telling it like it is

I did actually start to write a review of this, but then realised I was using time I should be giving to actual entries.

So in summary - I smiled a couple of times, and you clearly enjoyed writing it, but I wonder if Don should even post these entries when no attempt has been made to enter into the spirit of the challenge.

I'll guess this is Bert's - I'm wise like that

I take it this is a pisser then. Didn't find anything funny here though. Not for me.

Read this one awhile ago, but didn't comment. I'm back though because even if I wasn't too crazy about it, I wanted you to know that I did read it. Every now and then, someone writes a script using members here at SS as their characters. Sometimes they are fabulous other times not. IMO, I think the key to writing a good one is to realy know these people. The more you know them, the better and funnier the script will be. It also helps to have as many members as possible mentioned, otherwise, like Dustin said, I wasn't in it so I didn't care.  

The Golden Age of SimplyScripts meta has already come and gone.

And to work correctly, they need a certain amount of bite.

That is the primary element missing here.  

I actually started a SimplyScripts script FOUR YEARS AGO (where on earth did that go), a spoof of Tron Legacy that followed the plot of the film but was studded with SS regulars as characters - the regulars back then, that is. Would be severely dated now, I suppose.

Looking at the PDF, I wrote 46 pages of it (what a waste of time!). Haven't read it for ages, probably horrifically cringeworthy...

EDIT: re-reading it now, there's a whole Balt bit which is fairly amusing. If anyone remembers Balt.

SECOND EDIT: I'm slightly tempted to chop up what I wrote back in 2011 into chunks and post it on General Chat -- just so it's off my hard drive and out into the world. Then if anyone in any way enjoyed it, I could maybe get around to writing the rest at some point. But I'm hijacking someone's OWC entry thread now, so I'll stop. Apologies.

Do it, Jonny!!  Do it!!!

Yeah it's a bit tougher now to do a proper SS pisstake using all the vets. Maybe because the newbies won't really know enough about the members.

Sorry to hijack my own thread - lol - though Jonny already has. This is an SS one I did in 2009 and it came out good if anyone can be bothered lol.  

http://www.simplyscripts.com/scripts/AVERYSIMPLYHALLOWEENDOWNUNDER.pdf

Quoted from stevie Yeah it's a bit tougher now to do a proper SS pisstake using all the vets. Maybe because the newbies won't really know enough about the members.

That, and the scripts themselves have a very short shelf-life, as members ebb and flow, come and go.

Just like real life.

There was a brief period of time in which a number of these cropped up in fairly rapid succession -- some of them better than others, as one might expect.

For those that might wish to peek into the SimplyScripts time capsule -- or to torture themselves for whatever reason -- a fairly comprehensive list is found here

Love the title page and I love the title.

Ok read the whole thing. I laughed. Some funny stuff in here but not much of a story. Just three buds talking while ignoring something else going on around them.

Decent for a pisser I guess. Pretty well written other than a typo or two.

Good job.

Oh nice, a vicarious imagining of SS members and their insider rituals. It started out pretty funny until the humor tapered off around page 4. I enjoyed Dracula's magnetic draw with the ladies, along with the absurd reaction of him feeding.

Some folks might think these are worse than pissers, even I might be too new to get some of the humor. I like the script because it just goes to show these guys are more than words on a computer screen.

+ Whether the reader's feedback is positive or negative - the reader's still the asshole (that probably explains Bert's grade)

- Not accessible

A flight from Melbourne to Brisbane gets diverted to Los Angeles. Unbelievable it is! Unless it was hijacked. Otherwise please tell me how I can get a diversion like that presumably for the same price.

Wow, a pisstake right down to the crappy exposition.

My Wally, lads. Same again shagger. I don't talk like that.
Stevie, do you?  

What the high hell has happened to any punctuation? Well, especially your (its) contractions.

Why didn't these three just run! Okay, silly me. It's obvious they're dimwits.

And... The Bunnyman returns, ha ha, which is now a trademark dead give-away.

I liked the fact Jeff hates being hugged.

I think you just blew the budget with the carrots!

Oh, and then it wasn't real in the end? That's disappointing.

Bit of fun.
But next OWC you need to get serious and kill The Bunnyman.

How did the first page not end something like this?


Jeff grabs a parachute and yanks open the door of the plane.

STEVIE
Jesus Christ. what are you doing, mate?

JEFF
What? It's the end of page one. You know I'm always out before page two.

STEVIE
Don't do it.

Jeff crouches down - readies himself to jump.

JEFF
Got to leap - to a conclusion.

Jeff hurtles into the sky below. Steve and Ryan peer out the door as the watch Jeff's chute open.

STEVE
Man - he's gotta get some patience.

RAY
Yeah, I guess. But don't hold your breath.

STEVE
Why's that?

RAY
He has a Typ-o personality disorder.

and scene..........

Okay.  An honest-to-goodness pisser.

I think if this were 5 pages shorter, it *could* be hilarious.  So it's worth a rewrite.

Needless to say, we've got some typos going on here.  For instance:

p. 1 – space before STEVE(53)
P 5  - next to him.He screams (space after period)
P 7 – it’s been good (apostrophe)
And for me - the initial character descriptions are too run-on.

That said, there WERE a fine nice zingers.  For instance:

Slurps his Jagie like it’s the last one on Earth.
P 2 – A simplyscripts holla.  Nice!
A reference to From Dusk 'Til Dawn?  Cute... and appropriate.

My recs: cut the page length drastically.  Have the guys show *some* concern when things start happening. And GET RID of the Bunnyman.  That turned me off (and turned the story 180) entirely.

Cheers,

--J (W)

The writing smacks one in the face with someone pretending to be someone else. But that would be a weird thing to do. As Sean Connery said in...

Quoted from The Untouchables Who would claim to be that who was not?

  

Yessshhh.

There seems to be a problem with the enter key. The writer needs to stop pressing it. I recommend pressing the delete key instead. Trust me, it's far more fun.

I often get bored reading the real exchanges on these very boards with with these two. Stevie's posts are alright, often quite amusing. Not for me.

R

Writer,

Yes,
You did have a classic horror monster, but no real horror, of course, as this was meant to be a comedy. I think you would've taken less heat, not that you care, had you exchanged the characters at the bar for three unknowns. That might have erased the pisser label. I don't know. But yes, a story, and not the best Of the bunch but not the worst, either. Didn't do it for me, but I get what you did.

Steve

A Gathering Of Legends

So, this must be the insider satire??? Can I say so... I hope?

I try to judge it the way it rolls.

The dialogue starts pretty early within the scenario and somehow as if someone uses a clapper board shouting "action".

Hmm, I think you're pretty sure this doesn't work universally-
Some parts were enjoyable, the "From dusk till dawn" - vibe(great movie), but it was just too specific.

I had liked it more, if the main characters would have watched such a prank-fake-show live on TV, discussing it while curious things happen, making them believe those are faked too. A better connection would be possible that way.

Yeah, like some screenwriters debate the decline of culture on TV and taking part in exactly such show at the very moment. Then perhaps the writers run amok, slashing the crew of the show, winning the court proceeding by pleading self-defense, proving they felt facing true danger, which the show, well, originally wants to produce. Not guilty!!!!

Writers 1 Rest of the world 0   – kind of


Lots of satires about garbage TV and today's pop culture are possible - perhaps even needed at this moment in time.

That's what I get out of your work somehow.