Ok, you have had the feedback this script needs on pacing, set up etc no need to repeat

As I see it you have taken a cliched situation, kids breaking into an abandoned house where a murder took place, and don't make it different. It doesn't appeal to me.

The kids are annoying, daring each other etc . Remember what we need to do, same but different.  So, why not make them young scientists searching for evidence of the after world. They want to make contact with the dead person but stumble into the real world. Not great, but you see the difference.

I also like the idea of them out witting the monster. They spot what he needs but before he kills one they argue the parts don't fit etc

All the best

You should never let your title steal your punchline.

THE GOOD:  The Monster's dialogue is amusing.  The boom-squish thing is an interesting device to raise a bit of mystery and pull the reader forward.    

THE BAD:  Your kids sound identical.  They've no personality of their own to differentiate them from one another, and that weakens the story.  The tone is all over the place, going from a smart-mouth juvenile kind of Goosebumps thing to total dismemberment then finally to a slapstick finish.  Who is the audience for such a story?      

bert's grade:  D+  

This one's relatively enjoyable.  

For me, it's a *touch* too long... it could probably be trimmed three pages to sharpen it up.  And you've got to explain exactly how the monster's there.  Did he start the rumor of a murder?  Or was it Frankenstein that killed the victim, and stored him there until his work could be finalized?  IE: I think there could be some clarification - but there's a lot of potential fun to be had here!

Cheers,

--J (W)