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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    October 2015 One Week Challenge  ›  A Mummy's Search - OWC
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Dreamscale
Posted: October 28th, 2015, 12:54pm Report to Moderator
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The good news...

I was waiting for a Mummy script.

The not so good news...

But not like this one.

The bad news...

I'm out after Page 1.  Not sure if this is a pisser or just a very poor effort, but it reads like a joke...but I'm not laughing.

Which leads me to a grade of...

F
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JonnyBoy
Posted: October 28th, 2015, 2:41pm Report to Moderator
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I have a feeling this took longer to read than it did to write...

With such wilful disregard for the spirit of the challenge, this was going to have to be hilarious and/or very well executed to make it feel worthwhile.

Sorry to say, it wasn't. Take this bit:


Quoted Text
EXT. STREETS OF EGYPT - DAY

The Mummy traverses through, dodging, turning, people gaze at him in awe. Some scream. Others shoot at him.

Mummy rolls his eyes. They all die in an instant.


How hard were you actually trying there? Same with the grave diggers' dialogue - it doesn't feel like you cared particularly, just bashed something out. Comedy isn't the 'easy option', takes just as much work. And if you don't care, why should we?

Sorry if that's harsh, but it just felt like a bit of a waste of everyone's time.


Guess who's back? Back again?
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IamGlenn
Posted: October 30th, 2015, 11:42am Report to Moderator
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:)

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Helen Grosvenor,

From the start, it was obvious this isn't low budget. So I skimmed through. You don't even try to keep it low. Didn't follow the rules and overall this is all a bit crazy.

Not for me.

Glenn.


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wonkavite
Posted: November 1st, 2015, 6:30pm Report to Moderator
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Ah.  Clearly a pisser.  I actually did like the first page of this one... strong, evocative writing - and a touch of mayhem when the Mummy first appears...

But then, it really degenerated into comedy.  A comedy that *could* have worked, but I really feel this one ran on too slow, and dove too far into the realm of slapstick.  Plus, there was a little voice in my head that kept complaining that the Mummy wouldn't have known such modern insults.  So that threw me off right there.  Okay - I know you can't expect 'organic' writing with everything you read... but it just didn't solidify in a way that made me truly satisfied....
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