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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    October 2K16 One Week Challenge  ›  One Two - OWC
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Nomad
Posted: November 4th, 2016, 9:24am Report to Moderator
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Thanks for the rewrite, Jeff.

You really tightened it up and cleared up a lot of things, but still held on to my original intent.

Thank you!

My only reservation was your use of the word "jagged".  
Nathaniel isn't jagged.  He's surgical.
At least that's how he want's to portray himself until the end when he reveals his monstrous nature.


It's been a little over a year since I've completed a short so I'm VERY rusty.
I appreciate you taking the time to do this as I've always respected your input.

The way you sugar coat your criticism and your gentle approach are skills we should all aspire to.

Jordan


Read my scripts here:
SOCIAL EXPERIMENT 8pg-Drama
THE BRIDGE 8pg-Horror
SCHEISSE 6pg-Horror/Comedy
MADE FOR EACH OTHER-FILMED
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Dreamscale
Posted: November 4th, 2016, 10:10am Report to Moderator
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Glad to help, man.

"Sugar coat" my criticism?     That's a new one.  HA!

Take care.
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