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This is a pretty basic story, I think. There are just too many people with hoodies.
That's what makes it scary, man... It could be (looks around suspiciously) ANYBODY!!!!! More than likely it's probably just someone (caught) in the rain looking for someone to tell them how to format properly, though.
I know I'm a bit behind on the times on this one, but I just read it (noob here).
I did like it overall. I agree with most people's gripes, and it was obviously rushed. But I liked what I think you were trying to achieve.
I think what would've solved a lot of people's complaints would be to add a page to it where:
Jenny drops, Tom spins around, the wheel slips on the pool of blood and he falls to the floor. "Hoodie" leans over him, blade in hand. Lightning flashes, illuminating a distorted, supernatural-appearing face. "Don't worry, you won't feel a thing." Sinister laugh. Fade to black. Everyone's problems solved.
As for Jenny's lack of knowledge about the house, maybe they were just dating and she didn't live there. Would also explain the small reminder that he is in a wheelchair.
Current Projects: Me and You, Kiddo - Feature, Drama (est. 90 pages) Gesundheit - Short, Dramedy (est. 20 pages)